Book: To Steal A Weeping Widow
Author:
Genre: Mystery Romance
Story Type: Novel
Chapters read: 3
Title
Definitely not a title you come across every day, yet the words just seem right together. I have nothing more to say except this is a book I'd pick off the shelf just by seeing the title...
Cover
...and the cover. I feel the essence of the story is portrayed beautifully from the chalky white background, down to the subtext at the bottom. The flower obscures the letters, but in a subtle manner, and we can still comfortably read the text even at a glimpse.
Blurb
Nice and short, yet encompassing at the compelling details we need; a goal, the stakes, and a hook question. I'm just missing names. I know for sure this is intentional, and maybe it'll work out in the end.
First Impressions
Everything is aesthetically pleasing—an excellent, tactful package. What is left to be seen is if the story itself is as polished as its cover.
• • •
Inciting Incident
The scene opens with a bang in the prologue. Short, compact, and... quite detailed. I think you were caught up creating a visual picture that mostly includes the alarms, light, and glass. I suggest you focus more on the protagonists' emotions at that moment, which ought to be quite strong even though it's not mentioned. Even though the scene does not end on a cliffhanger, the ominous forewarning is clear: the protagonists' life has just been ruined somehow. This hook propels us to the first chapter.
Writing Technique
🔶I do enjoy the charming, surprising wordplay. I may have to reread a sentence to grasp a concept, but it's well worth it. For example, the reference made to the painting in the second chapter: "crying day and night in her ornate frame, but now she wept somewhere else". That's genius.
🔶 That you took the time to do research is a big plus. It makes you stand out, and assure the reader that the story is well written.
General Plot
The transition to the next chapter, after the prologue, is smooth. From describing a woman to her relevance to the painting, to the very present. However, the specific dates mentioned are a bit confusing. Over forty years, ten years before, two years later... I suggest varying these.
I love the uncertainty of the mystery. We, nor the protagonist really know what happened.
In chapter two, we are given some information on stolen paintings and interesting facts, which indicates you did your research. Stolen art isn't a theme most readers often come across, so this is handy. I'm sure many readers like myself did actually check the FBI Nation Stolen Art File! In the third chapter, we are introduced to other main characters, each with an interesting personality. Again, the chapter doesn't end in a cliffhanger, but certainly a sort of hook.
Characters
That sentence in the prologue, "It was my fault". Unless it is actually Eleanor's fault the painting is gone, this would be a typical trait of weakness that is unlikable. (A delicate balance here, because thinking so when a tragedy happens is quite realistic). In any case, our protagonists' selflessness certainly is a redeeming quality.
August Whitehill and even Carrie are the supporting characters I've been waiting for. They're definitely going to be there for Eleanor throughout the story, and bring out different, interesting sides of her.
I like that Geraldine Whitehill is thoroughly developed. Her personality traits stand out. She handles her loss pretty well – or she's hiding her true emotions, and we know for sure it's the latter. I'm interested to find out what exactly she's feeling.
What to improve
🔷 At times, it feels like you're forcing the description. Sometimes the same description is repeated in different words as though to reinforce it, which indicates the first wasn't strong enough. This usually tends to result in awkward sentences: "Glass crunched under my feet and dazzled where it lay shattered on the floor."
You can omit some words: "Glass of glass crunched under my shoes (I'm assuming she's wearing shoes). No need to tell us it's on the floor since it's under her shoes...or feet? And then "It spread out like a sneeze..." is a bit awkward.
🔷 Avoid repeating words; use synonyms instead.
Side notes
• First sentence in the prologue: "Alarms blared". Blared is not a strong verb. "Alarms screamed" is far more powerful, for example.
• First sentence of chapter one: reformulate the sentence to avoid the passive voice.
Extra Perspective
⭐Switching between dialogue and narration: I see no problem with this, and it's not distracting. Dialogue and narration should happen according to the scene you've planned out beforehand.
⭐Too much background information? As long as you sufficiently break up the background information with action, this isn't an issue! Try to avoid telling by showing us, for example, the results of what happened in the past. Have us guessing.
Final Impression
This is the first time I'm reading a story which this specific theme. I wonder where this story will go and how the mystery will be solved at the end of the day.
Good job with this unique theme. Keep on like this!
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