Free Book Reviews - 2023

14 - Burial at Sea

Book: Burial at Sea

Author: cassyanders2000

Genre: Science fiction

Story Type: Novel

Chapters read: 3

Title

Straightforward and clever. The word "burial" shows something dark, perhaps mysterious. It could be a burial in a literal sense, or figuratively. I like that the title rings with the theme of the story itself.

Cover

 I do like it, there's definately a specific style going on there. I like the font a lot, that the text is crowned over the girls' head. The glow on the text and frame makes it stand out. Not to mention the shadows on the girls' face!

Blurb

The blurb is quite long, something you generally want to avoid, as readers usually look for the most interesting part as the deciding factor to wether or not they read a certain book. In fact, one of those paragraphs suffice for the entire blurb. Moreoever, a short blurb when written right retains the attention. How to achieve this without cutting anything important out is simply to condense the information.

 The Four Houses mentioned are redundant as they are explained in the story itself. This is just too much information to be included in the blurb, as interesting as it is. 

 Also, trying to pronounce those names is quite...amusing. Often when writers want to go for unique names (owing to various reasons), they forget about the pronounciation, which is essential for maximum reader experience. They should be able to come across a name and not have to pause more than twice.

 Sufficient information has been given about Manu. Some backstory, her motivation, and a glimpse of her characer. She must have some strong personality traits in order to lie her way into the Divers Training Academy.

 Instead of ending the blurb on a general outlook of what the story will involve, try to introduce a question. Will Manu be able to...? This can be the key to a reader's final desicion on reading your story.

Points on good organization.

First Impression

The author's note tells me the message of your story, the reason you're writing, which is mainly to break sterotypes and go futher than just flat, "inclusive" characters. Normally, one would tell their purpose in a subtle way to tie the story together. But that you underline your intention shows the extent of it.

•••

Inciting Incident

 Manu failing the examination at the doctor's is predictable but it is what ties us to the character. It certainly gives her the needed motivation to pursue her goal, which is to get enrolled in the academy. Good work.

Writing Technique

🔶 The pacing, as your readers have confirmed as well, is great. There's just enough going on without it being overwhelming.

🔶 I admire you for having put a lot of research and developement into the story. This adds, of course, more depth and clarity as far as the entire theme is concerned.

🔶The formatting is great! The heading and the newspaper itself that breaks up the scene in the beginning really adds a layer of depth. 

General Plot

 The first chapter is just the right length. This, again, is essential to keep a readers' attention. Manu's motivation is revealed through her actions, her anxiousness, and the simple fact that she wants to be enrolled in the academy. By denying her entrance to the academeny, you strengthen an emotional link between Manu and the reader. Now we're in the same boat; we too wish for her to be enrolled.

 The second chapter reveals Manu's deep regret and envy of not being accepted into the academy. In the museum, I'm relieved to discover a quality I was awaiting. Manu has spent hours of research on the Divers. This will work in her favour as the story advances. As she explores the different houses, it leads up to the last, the one she feels is made for her. This buildup is subtle but ties the scene together nicely. As a sidenote, this chapter is just scraping the brim of too long. I must mention that the art included in this chapter is an awesome visual aspect!

 In the third chapter, we explore the streets of Venice and expand on the setting, as well as tap into the relationship between Manu and Levi. This is great exposition! The cliffhanger at the ending adds an ominous undertone to the world that's about to be revealed.

Characters

 Manu is the perfect epitome between a physical limitation and mental strength. What she lacks in bodily force, she makes up for with her determination and strong will. I look forward to see what the future has in store for her, but even more so her past and how that translates into the upcoming events.

 Levi is well developed, her role is obvious. A supporting character, which Manu will desperately need in the future, but (hopefully, or perhaps in the beginning) lack. I wonder how her role will be intergrated in the future, now that the two are going to be seperated, as far as I can tell.

 Carlo is turning out to be quite the villain, as one of your readers commented at the end of chapter three. And I wholy agree. I think he's definatley going to antagonize Manu's future in one way or the other. 

 As well as Mr. Vellano, who is quite the interesting character. His goal, as well as his intentions are somewhat blurred. This is great developement, as every villain must always believe they are right, and Mr. Vellano very well does, as well as the citizens. 

What to improve + techniques

🔷 Avoid passive voice and redundancies. "Her hands were gripping the newspaper" should be remodeled to "She gripped the newspaper". 

🔷 Avoid too much physical description and/or mannerisms. For example, in the first chapter: adjusting clothes, shuddering, clenching fists, diverting eyes, dropping gaze, apprearing shaken... These terms are used excessively in the first chapter to convey Manu's anxiousness. They cause a sense of repetition rather than consistency. (Yes, sometimes the rule of show don't tell can be overdone.)

🔷 In the third chapter, the point-of-view shifts from Manu to Levi. This should be fixed right away! The rule is: one POV per scene.

Extra perspective

⭐Length of chapters: Just about right, though you might want to keep in mind 1800 - 2000 words per chapter is the general length for Wattpad novels.

⭐Length of paragraphs: Honestly there's no issue with the paragraphs, it feels natural. But the length, in a general sense, depends. Paragraphs will appear longer on a phone, but shorter on a laptop or tablet. Paragraphs should be fairly short. Once a paragraph has been finsihed off, (in dialogue, or simply when you introduce something new), the paragraph can be ended. 

Final Impression

Definitely excited to see where this story heads next! I'm curious about how exactly Manu is going to make it, how the antagonizing forces are going to play their role!

Good job on your writing, I'm impressed! The best of luck.