Free Book Reviews - 2023

17# The Queen of the North (Plot Review)

Title: The Queen of the North.
Username: Anyusername1234567
Genre: fantasy
Story Type: novel
Chapters read: 3 (+prologue)

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Title

Straightforward. It is a bit basic. Don't you think "Queen of the North"has a better ring?

There is no section for 'username', but 'anyusername1234567' is not creative. For the sake of the bond between you and your readers, I suggest changing this to something thoughtful and warm.

Cover

The cover art is really lovely, but the text takes that away. Reduce the size so it doesn't overlap with the art, and possibly change the font to a more unique one. Keep in mind the capitalization as well.

Blurb

Everything is on the platter, we know what we're getting. But there is a lack of novelty. The start is okay, but Instead of wrapping up with a general direction of where the story goes, add a hook. Some conflict, a question, etc. Something to find out, thus a reason to read the book.

Also, as a side note, don't start a blurb by "It's a story about...". A blurb contains. Read for typos!

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Exposition (Introduction)

The first-and arguably only-thing I notice straightaway in the prologue is the giant column of text. No breaks in the paragraph whatsoever. There is no break for our eyes, and emphasis is reduced.

Jumping in, the story starts in what I assume is a graveyard, due to the tombstone. But apart from the moonlight, there is no other description of the setting or character to spark our imagination. Take a moment to visualize what's happening, then translate that to text and lace it through the backstory.

The prologue is good. This is what we know so far: someone notorious died, the place is called Eldemar, and our main character is his wife. But the ending suggests another long wait. Rather, you should take this opportunity to start the story. That "if all goes well, someday..." should be now.

In the first chapter, we have some long paragraphs in the beginning that need to be broken up, but the rest looks good. The chapter starts with conflict-always a good thing to draw readers in. We are introduced to the protagonist, Milo, Hazel, and their father. You've made a good balance so we don't get overwhelmed.

Inciting Incident

The appearance of the queen, happened right after we established the relationship with the MC's siblings. However, even though she wears a crown, the MC doesn't know for sure if she's a queen. You might want to swap out the queen for "the woman" in this case.

In the second chapter, Alora suddenly changes her mind. At first, she dreaded the thought of being sold as a slave. Suddenly, she thinks anywhere is better than Ebba. You should clarify (if it is so), that the betrayal of her parents is what causes this switch.

Conflict

I assume the Sui Generis is going to be the central source of conflict throughout the book. I hope there will be internal conflict as well. A great opportunity for that was missed when Alora told her siblings about what she heard. If she had kept it to herself, she would have been guilty. Just an possibility, though.

Cliffhangers

The ending of the first chapter is complete and intriguing.

There is no cliffhanger for the second chapter, but it leads into the next chapter which is nice.

At the very end of chapter three, I feel like the siblings accept their fate all too quickly. There can be some expansion there; a bit more emotion and/or dialogue. And Alora is hopeful for the future, but I feel like there's room for a bit more foreboding.

Setting

As of the exposition, Ebba, the small judgemental village, is the setting. Enough has been said about it for us to want Alora to escape there. We may even think that going along with the queen might lead to a better future, which is a good way to throw readers off.

A bit more targeted description of the house will be useful though.

Characters

Alora: You cleverly weaved some personality traits into the description. The MC is cheating, stealing, and lying. As well as solidifying the fact that her household is far from perfect.

The queen: The first appearance of the queen can be polished--lots. There is too much telling and little showing. Instead of telling us "She is wearing a crown. An actual crown", show us how the crown, placed on her coils of hair, catches the moonlight.

Mrs. Wood: She speaks to Alora in an anxious voice. Even though you mention the father speaking to her sweetly in the presence of company, you didn't include the mother. IS she actually anxious, or is it a façade? We need clarification.

The siblings: they aren't flat characters, which I love. But have you assigned them roles? Will they be by Alora's side for the rest of the story? If yes, then it is a crucial detail that was left out of the blurb!

Pace & Chapter Length

The pace is good. Things happen quickly, as they should in the exposition. I do hope the pace will slow down a little as the story continues to allow for expansion and depth.

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Advice & Tips

- The images at the beginning of each chapter are wonderful, but please download the pictures and do not use screenshots. Or, at least crop the pictures out of the screenshots.

- Break up the long paragraphs in the prologue, and at the beginning of the second chapter

- Why use "you/your" when the POV is first person?

- Please reread and capitalize the names of your characters. The first letter between apostrophes is always capitalized. There are two instances where we have random capitalization in the prologue, at the beginning and end.

- Correct the typos and missing punctuation (Even if this is your first draft, you have to prioritize quality for the sake of your readers)

- Condense your sentences. By cutting out the fluff, you reduce distractions and get straight to the point, thus a stronger effect.

- Refine your descriptions. For example, "My father makes an annoyed sound", can be changed to, "Father grunted in annoyance".

Final impression

You have a very solid idea, so I hope you take it the right way. Once the story is complete and edited, it will be amazing. Good luck!