Book: A Reign of Blood and Deceits
Author: RuthHawthorne
Genre: Fantasy
Story Type: Novel
Chapters read: 3
Title
The title is catchy and hints at what to expect. Something dark and gory, surely. Something mysterious. I like that reign when read aloud sounds like 'rain'. This strikes a stark image in the readers' minds.
Cover
The cover is perfect for this story. The font of the title is alluring, and a good choice! The image is aesthetic, and the roses compliment the overall effect. Looking closer, I wonder if those patterned strips are snakes, fabric, or perhaps the string of a compass.
Blurb
The paragraphs of the blurb are well-spaced and approximately the same size. I absolutely love that each paragraph is assigned to a different character and that each heading has the title of the character in it ("A peasant feigning as a Prince"). Honestly, there is a lot of information to take in. I wonder if this detracts, or if it adds up to your writing style. As I begin to read the first story, I decide on the latter. There is a load of conflict and stakes, which I must commend you for!
However, I am sort of lost. For each paragraph of the blurb, there appears to be an entirely different story. This is intriguing, but I am looking for some link between them. The setting must tie them together, I assume. Or perhaps the war to come. Maybe both.
A perfect score on the question presented at the end. ... Will the Guardians and Saints come to play? As a side note, "Sacrifices will be made" fits better than "Sacrifices will be done".
First Impression
I can already tell this story has been thoroughly planned. I'm ready to be immersed in this strange, fantastical universe!
• • •
Inciting Incident
Right after the beautifully written pretext, we spring straight into the action, whiles laying the groundwork for the near future. There is so much going on, from more than one point of view, that it's hard to pinpoint the exact incident that starts the story. Also, I'm having a hard time understanding the different cities and worlds, as it is not specifically explained. This may be a good thing if you want to avoid telling, but for the sake of clarity, you might want to consider clarifying the different settings from the beginning.
Writing Technique
🔸 I am more than impressed by the imagery your writing evokes. Lots of strong verbs to spice up the writing. This is the sort of book that takes a concentrated mind to read. Each sentence feels flawless — the words, old-fashioned as they are, are surprisingly well composed.
🔸 There is a nice consistency to the format. Backstory and information are shown through actions, if not provided in sufficient pieces throughout the chapter.
🔸 The quotes at the beginning of each chapter are intriguing indeed. It is like an opening scene before the movie begins.
🔸 The ending lines are epic, as your readers have also confirmed.
General plot
The first chapter (aka chapter zero) is short, precise, and contains one goal. It can in fact be boiled down to three words: dialogue, decision, die. I'm happy to see this sort of consistency already. The second chapter is...interesting, to say the least. Again, a lot is going on but in a very structured manner.
One can tell you've considered close to each word closely. This makes the story feel pricey. Expensive and of high quality.
The appearance of the monster later in the first chapter, when the focus of most readers will have been pulled elsewhere, is truly magical. The way you link these two appearances and mesh the chapter together is awesome, and a surprising cliffhanger at the end to top it off!
The setting description in the second chapter is ample but broken occasionally with action, brilliant. The dialogue between Aeron, Baron, and Edward is entertaining as well. Paying close attention whiles reading, I notice the smooth transition from one scene to the other, one purpose to the next. Good development!
In the third chapter, the story begins to shape up. The goal is clearly stated here: Crown the fake prince, Aeron. The stakes: the real prince might reappear, and the real prince's half-brother is in favor of the crown. The aristocrats' motive: To regain what is "rightfully" theirs through Aeron. Aeron's motive: remains unknown, something to do with a disaster in the past.
Characters
In the beginning, I couldn't quite pinpoint a protagonist. (Apart from the We had some flats (Conrad, Bemdilf, and the royal guards) which disappear after the first chapter, as well as that remaining character from the first chapter. I had trouble deciding who the main leads are lead since your descriptions are so on point! Even said flats are nicely fleshed out.
However, the end of chapter two tells us the monster itself is most certainly a lead.
As I read further, different complicated names crop up—names of the Guardians, settings, and people. Having (most likely) created a plot and gotten used to the names, you might not think it'd be an issue. However, I suggest you make an index of people and places, so your readers can always look back and figure out who is who and where is where.
Overall, your character building is on point and memorable. Even Conrad, "...built similar to a little ball which could begin rolling upon the start of a pavement's slope." RIP, tiny-eyed man.
As for the rest of the several characters who are introduced in the third chapter, they are very, very well written.
What to improve + techniques
🔹 You should consider reducing the length of the blurb, as most readers merely skim through to get to the good part. You can do this by cutting out wordy phrases or condensing the information given as much as possible.
🔹 Shorten the chapters. Short chapters are more comfortable and enjoyable to read. Not to mention we can easily find a place to take a pause. The general word count for Wattpad chapters is approximately 1800 - 2000 words, so try not to exceed 2000 words per chapter.
🔹 Avoid the verb "to be", adverbs, and verbs that end in -ing. These tend to weaken the prose. This tells instead of shows us a piece of information: the woman was tall and bedraggled. Know that there is room for improvement when this happens. Swap this out for a stronger phrasing (Ex: The bedraggled woman towered over him). Sometimes these verbs and adverbs are of course inevitable, but for the most part, cutting these out improve the sense of immediacy as well as strength.
🔹 Wattpad does indeed sometimes have glitches that mess up the format of your story, but at the end of the day, it's our readers who pay the price. See what you can do to improve the reading experience whenever this happens.
🔹 The point of view for each chapter or scene should be clarified. For the settings and characters, you might want to consider making an index.
Final Impression
I am most certainly sticking around for the rest of this journey. I want to see where this story takes us next!
As of the moment, your story has merited 5.K reads worth of attention, and rightfully so! Your readers don't overlook your talent for evoking strong visuals in the mind.
Equally, it makes sense that this story ranks #18 in high fantasy out of 4.3K stories!
Congratulations, and keep on like this!
YOU ARE READING
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