Free Book Reviews - 2023

18# The Light To His Darkness (Plot Review)

Book: The Light To His Darkness
Author: @Kawaii_Imy
Genre: fantasy
Story Type: novel
Chapters read: 2 chapters (+prologue)
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Title

The title has a nice ring to it. It's simple but clever.

Cover

The cover art is nice, but there is definitely room for improvement. The text is against a busy background, so it's unclear. I would suggest adding a drop shadow and white text. You could also use all caps or a bolder font.

The two figures are almost breaching the bounds. They are the focal point, so we need some space in the margins. Finally, the curls of the black frame interfere. A thinner frame might be better. Canva (the design website/app) is a quick fix for this.

Blurb

The first thing I look for is the spacing and paragraphs. You've got five paragraphs, but the last three end with question marks. I'm going to assume this is the hook question. But why are there so many? There should only be one, max two, which encompass the MC's goal.

As I begin to read, many names jump out*. Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke, Aurore, Akatuski... As I've understood, this is a fanfiction book for an anime. But these are not familiar names for most English readers, so there might be a break in the flow. Or simply, too many characters or places in a blurb is an overload. You can replace some names with "the monster, a young boy", etc. We'll figure the rest out once we start the story.

Finally, where is the conflict? The "plunged into darkness and obscurity" is the beginning, so that must have already happened. So where is the central point of conflict the story will be centered around? You also mention the MC's goal, but again, will protecting his native village and little brother be his goal for the rest of the story? I think not. There is a development, so you should mention that.

*At the end of the review, I came back to the blurb and realized Itachi plays the MC role in the blurb. Who is who? What are the delegated roles?

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Exposition (introduction)

In the first sentence, you tell us that it was a dark night. In the second, you show us what that looks like. I suggest you remove the first sentence. The first paragraph is intriguing; we delve into tension right away. There are very strong character traits for our Itachi; his principles, boundaries, strengths, and weaknesses are displayed.

In the first half second chapter, three characters are introduced. Yazuno, his mother, and a stranger. The latter, Aurore, is referred to as "girl" and then "young woman". Which is it? And as we know Yazuno is a young boy, you can omit the word "young".

We are led (first by a butterfly, next by POV switches) through different settings. The forest, a clearance, Aurore's house. Nice transitioning.

In Aurore's house, she talks to her grandma through the picture about what happened that day. But if this is something she does frequently, why does this feel like an update after a good stretch of time? A bit too informative. Granted, for the readers'' sake, but you should consider modifying the sentences to sound more familiar.

I like the interaction between Aurore and Konan. It feels adapted to Aurore's character and reputation.

The second chapter begins (again) with a description of the weather. Maybe starting right from the festive spirit might be better. There is a nice backing to the scene where Yazuno's mother's friend comes to her about the lady with the candies. We get a nifty glimpse into the situation with Aurore and her grandmother.

Emotional Connection

The prologue is high in tension, we establish an emotional connection to our Itachi, our MC..Or not? Regardless, Aurore definitely has a backstory and one that is worth investing in. She's misunderstood and slandered. The readers are able to connect to her naturally as she is antagonized.

Inciting Incident

Since so many things happen at once, it's not too clear. Can you tell me where exactly it occurs?

Conflict

In the prologue, we are introduced to a sort of complete conflict. There is not much action, but rather foreboding of what is to come. The first chapter contains the first hint of conflict between the "monster" and the village. This makes me question; who or what is the antagonist? Since there are several POV's, I assume the antagonist will be a force and not a person.

Cliffhangers

The prologue ends with a bang. A strong statement from the MC that entices the reader just enough to turn the page.

I feel like the ending of chapter one is significant somehow...turning into sheets of paper for one, but also being a Kunoichi, whatever that is. Since you have so much terminology, I strongly suggest giving a hint as to what is what. Not necessarily revealing any information beyond what is already known to the MC, since you're using the third-person voice.

I admit, the end of chapter three was impressive. This isn't a deus ex machina moment since you've already introduced Konan. Rather, we are shown the relation between the two.

Pacing & chapter length

The pacing is good, but possibly a little fast since we don't have access to the character's feelings and thoughts.

After the prologue introduces us to some backstory, we jump straight into the story. There are notable emotional turns. I would suggest stringing some scenes together. For example, blend the scene of Aurore in her cottage and heading out to the school into one, adding a phrase of transition like "later that afternoon".

Setting

Iwanai. From what we gather in the prologue, it's done for. But from chapter one on, it's next to perfect. I understand you're trying to translate this image of perfect but rotten undercover, but the descriptions are a bit repetitive, however. Then we have the forest, Aurore and Yazuno's house. I wonder if the forest has some significance. As we know, Aurore's house burned down but the forest could be just a setting filler.

Writing advice + tips

- Reduce redundancy. You used the word 'night' five times. The word dark, and darkest. Pay attention to these little details and try to add variety and nuances to your description) Also, note an overuse of "the latter"

- Improve the clarity. I stumbled across the word "Mangekyou Sharingan" in the first chapter.

- Stay away from the heavy use of passive voice (aka telling). I'd like to see more active voice and action woven into the description. Show us what's happening.

- Please be cautious with punctuation. The real danger is the exclamation and question mark combo. It tells me one thing; you aren't achieving a strong enough effect from your descriptions.

- What are the roles of your characters? We've have Yazuno, Yazuno's mother, Aurore, Konan, and her sidekick so far. In any case, you should limit yourself to one POV per scene.

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Final Impression

I enjoyed this story so far. There's a lot of potential to the writing technique and I think with some practice, you'll be able to polish the story even further. I'd hold up with thorough editing until after the story, but keep in mind the advice/tips for continuing writing. Good work!