Stuck In Another Reality? Darn.

Chapter 17.

Trigger warning: Extremely depressive thoughts and suicidal actions ahead! If you feel the same, please remember you're a beautiful human being and ask for help!

"Hey, cuties!~" You cooed as soon as the last duo came through the door. They both laughed, Jean being reminded heavily of Lisa at that very moment.

"Hello everyone, I presume you have it?" She asked formally, briskly moving on to the more important matters. Aether nodded, holding up the delicately carved lyre. "Woah." You breathed. "Can I hold it for a bit?" You asked carefully. 

"Sure, why not?" Aether shrugged and gently passed it to you. You traced the patterns on it, marvelling at how real it felt. You knew it wasn't real, that this was a game, so what was this? A simulation?

Your face hardened at that thought. A simulation would make sense but...did that mean that all the bonding, all the time with Venti and everyone else here was a lie? The thought hurt but you elected to put on a mask and smile, passing it back to Aether. "Thanks for letting me do that." You said, fakely happy.

'Do you even have anything left to hold on to?' Your mind asked. You didn't, but you chose to ignore it. You can pity yourself later. You pretended to pay close attention to Venti's explanation on why the lyre wouldn't work, and though you didn't get all of it, you did understand that the lyre didn't have its normal power. 

You felt like there was a major fuzz in your mind, preventing you from fully taking in everything right now. "Sorry to break up this conversation, but do you mind if I go outside for a bit?" You blurted out, unable to take it anymore. Your head was so tired, and you knew that you wouldn't be able to help.

'Not with how worthless you're being right now.' Your brain scolded you. The group around you raised an eyebrow at the question but Jean nodded. "Of course, we can catch you up once you return." She said gently. 

You forced yourself to normally walk toward the door and sit down, leaning on the building. You buried your face in your legs...you just wanted to sob and let all of the feelings go. It was becoming too much for you, but you just had to keep holding on, right?

You wanted to be numb to all of the things you're feeling, and that wasn't so hard to ask for.

You missed them so much. You weren't at home here, home was almost completely gone. Home was in the hand of one person that you didn't even know was alive. Sure, you were hoping but...how far could only hope bring you?

It couldn't resurrect Rantaro. Or help Kaede or Kirumi.

You idly wondered what they would do if you disappeared. Would they miss you? Would they care? They probably wouldn't, why would they? You were a fussy crybaby who was only of use every once in a while. You were extremely out of your element here, while Aether fit in like a glove.

You were the runt of the two. The weaker one. The one who no one would miss if they disappeared.

You slowly felt yourself become more numb to the sense of uselessness that was overtaking you, and at that moment, a famous Vocaloid song that Tsumugi showed you ran through your head. You didn't even bother to hum it... What was the point? 

'How long have I been up? I don't know. 
I can't get a grip, but I can't let go.
There wasn't anything to hold on to, though.

My enemy's invisible, I don't know how to fight.
The trembling fear is more than I can take.'

The line that reminded you that you had an audience caused your head to shoot up and place a smile on your face. You dragged your fingers on your arms, peeling away the old bandages there. You stared at the light pink scratches that were lining your arms and tried to remind yourself that they cared. That they would miss you if you suddenly 'poofed'.