Champagne Problems (Ransom Drysdale)

Chapter 10 - The Brunch Crashers

"You're honestly going out dressed like that" Effie looked Ransom up and down with the same distasteful look she tended to give him on a daily basis.

"I don't do dressing up."

"It's a brunch! Geez you get dressed up for those rubbish events at the country club." She protested. "Can't you at least wear a tie with the shirt?"

Ransom rolled his eyes. "Look, we're already having to fake being in love with each other so that's enough for me."

"Fine, a polo shirt then, if you even own one of those." She saw his expression. "Come on Drysdale, do you wanna prove our stupid families wrong or not?"

"Okay, okay! I'll put a stupid polo shirt on." He huffed and disappeared upstairs. Why he'd even suggested doing this was beyond him. Oh wait...because he enjoyed watching his family be wrong. But this? This was going to extremes. Anyway he was doing it for himself, not for his wife.

Paola suddenly shuffled through into the closet with a shirt to hand, making him jump. The woman was like a ninja – but a very slow one at that. "What the...Paola! Don't you ever knock?"

"Your shirt Mr Huge...Miss Effie said this one..."

Miss Effie was gonna get a shoe up her backside if she continued dictating every aspect of his life.

"Thanks." He took it as Paola just stood there. "Errrr Paola? Go? You leave?" he said.

"Ah! yes, yes." she seemed to understand this, thank goodness, and shuffled back out almost as slowly as she'd ninja'd in.

He changed into the shirt just to shut his wife up and returned back downstairs. "Much better." Effie nodded her approval on seeing him still looking rather annoyed at the choice of attire. "Oh crack a smile Hugh. We're going gate crashing!"

"I don't smile voluntarily." He declared, and even when he did it was out of satisfaction at the misfortune of others.

"Well you're going to have to work on that if we're going to be all over one another." Effie announced, hands on her hips like she was scolding a small child. Ransom was exactly that in her view, but a giant one.

She was pretty sure she saw him physically shudder at the thought, but he needed to get past the fact he'd have to make any sort of physical contact with her, no matter how fake. "Greeeeeat." He drawled. "Now you've finished questioning my wardrobe, can we get going and get this over with?"

"You're such a joy today – Paola! We will see you later!" she called as they left. They wouldn't stay long, but long enough to cause enough chaos and then leave. It was what they tended to do best if past experiences were anything to go by.

The annual Rattenberry brunch was always celebrated at her parents mansion, and each year Helen Rattenberry would go even more over the top than she had done previously. This year she had live peacocks just wandering about the place, as they soon found out when Ransom nearly took one out with the Beamer halfway up the driveway.

"Did you just hit a peacock?" she turned to him

"If anything the peacock hit me." He tried to justify the accident, "and look, it's perfectly fine..." he now gestured to the animal who was coming straight at the car. "See? Better a pissed off Peacock than a dead one."

"Which begs the question, how are we supposed to get out?" she asked, "that thing could peck us to death – my mother could've trained them to kill on sight for all I know."

Ransom snorted. "Like your mom has time to train birds to assassinate." And now got out, waving the peacock away. "Come on."

She rolled her eyes and got out, smoothing down her dress. On the door was a usual member of staff with the guest list and now he grabbed the clipboard as they approached. "Do you have an invitation?" he asked, stopping them as they went to go in.