Attachment Theory - Bucky BarnesxOC

Part 27: pink moon

18+ WARNING MINORS DNI

They fell asleep sometime during the morning. She doesn't remember it happening. Bucky is just so warm and comforting all Alice remembers is her eyes closing as she surrendered to sleep. Alice wakes up to the sound of thunder and rain pattering against their window. She tries to close her eyes until she feels a series of soft kisses on the back of her neck and shoulder, and the sensation of Bucky's right arm tucked around her waist, playing with the hem of her shirt. She hums softly as her eyes flutter open, smiling as she looks back at him.

"Hi."

He bites his lip, grinning like a giddy teenager.

"Hi."

"What time is it?"

"About 2:00pm."

"Did you sleep?" Alice asks.

Bucky nods and begins to place soft open-mouthed kisses on her neck. Alice giggles.

"Are you using me as a distraction again?"

He stops, pulling back.

"What?" Bucky doesn't disguise the hurt in his voice and Alice's stomach knots.

She's been sitting on this, not looking forward to the conversation that's about to occur. Alice has to choose her words carefully. She doesn't want this to be a fight. She hates fighting with him. It hurts, and she doesn't want to cry anymore, and the last thing she wants to do is hurt him. Alice has gotten good at this over the years - carefully explaining something in a calm and measured tone. Her mom taught her how to do this. She never yelled or screamed at Alice as a child. Her discipline always came in the form of measured, rational discussion. Alice was the one who got heated, and she still does when she's confronted with blatant aggression or disrespect.

But for Bucky, she'll pull out her mother's old parenting techniques. She doesn't want to be his mother, but this conversation cannot escalate. Her heart can't take it, and neither can his. He's going to be fragile for a while until he starts to heal. His psyche is like splintered glass. She has to be cautious. The last thing she wants is for him to push her away out of anger.

"I just... sometimes I've noticed after you have a particularly rough night, you tend to get a little more affectionate. I'm just wondering if you're doing it for a reason."

Bucky swallows thickly and Alice blushes with embarrassment. She shouldn't have asked, but they need to have this conversation.

"Do you think I don't love you?"

"That's not what I said." She rolls over and reaches out to brush his cheek, anticipating that he'll pull away. He doesn't. He leans into her touch. "I know that you love me. I can see it in the things you do for me. I've just noticed that you use sex to escape."

She doesn't blame him. She'd be doing anything and everything she possibly could to escape her thoughts if she were in his shoes.

"I also haven't had it for 70 years," he chuckles.

"That's true. I just... I don't want to be a distraction for you during this process. I want to help you, Bucky."

He shakes his head, his eyes filled with confusion.

"You're not a distraction."

"And I don't want you to lose yourself and not feel things that might help your healing process."

His eyes are a storm of confusion as he studies her face. The look in his eyes scares her. She didn't want to hurt him by bringing this up, or to reject him. She would take Bucky any time anywhere, but she knows what he's doing because she's done this too. Sex is a great way to avoid feeling the things you should be feeling, but Alice also knows that, for Bucky, those feelings are intensified and deeply painful. Any rational human being would want to avoid them. She's done it herself. She has to be delicate here, not wanting to venture into hypocrisy. Alice wants to understand and encourage him, not nag him. That isn't going to help anybody.