Attachment Theory - Bucky BarnesxOC

Part 43: arsonist's lullaby

Bucky knocks on Steve's door. He hears footsteps on the other side, followed by the sound of Steve leaning against the door. Sometimes Bucky finds his enhanced hearing annoying, like being able to hear Sam snoring from six rooms away, or hearing a bird outside jumping around in the grass, but today, it's serving him well.

"Yeah."

"It's me, Stevie."

The door opens. Steve is dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, his eyes red and puffy. Bucky isn't really sure why he's here. Comforting people isn't exactly his forte, and he hasn't done it in a long time, but Alice tells him he's good at it. He just hopes those skills can somehow transfer to Steve.

"Come on in," Steve whispers.

Bucky steps inside. Steve's room is orderly, much cleaner than the messes Alice leaves behind in their room. Bucky is always picking up after her and Alpine, whose primary objective in life is to knock everything off of every surface possible.

She really likes to do it around 4:00am and scare the shit out of them. When she's not doing that, she's zooming around the bedroom, knocking into walls and flinging herself off of the dresser. Bucky has started to sleep through her shenanigans, but Alice will chase her around, grab the little menace, and pull her into bed with them until she calms down and falls asleep.

They stand in the middle of the room with their hands in their pockets, staring at the ground.

"If you're going to ask if I'm okay–"

"I wasn't," Bucky whispers. "I know you're not."

Steve nods and Bucky swallows thickly. A long, awkward silence fills the space between them, space that Bucky is certain was once filled with laughter or stupid jokes. He doesn't remember any of those jokes anymore, or even how to stand in the same room as Steve. Is he doing it right? They've both changed so much. The only person who knows who Bucky used to be is standing right in front of him.

His heart is pounding and he takes a chance, just like Alice took a chance on him.

"Do you want a hug?" He asks meekly.

He feels awkward offering. When they were younger, they hugged a lot. He remembers that much. They also punched each other, and shoved each other around while they laughed and sauntered through the streets of Brooklyn, but those days feel like faded photographs only stirring the faintest of emotions in him now.

Other than Alice, Bucky doesn't really touch anyone else. Steve gives him the odd clap on the shoulder, but that's about it.

Steve looks confused for a moment, blinking.

"Uh... ye–yeah. Okay."

They both stick their arms out, looking like two robots learning human affection for the first time. They bump arms and apologize before they actually embrace. Bucky pats Steve on the back and Steve pulls him as tightly to him as he can before he collapses into tears, sobbing into Bucky's shoulder. Bucky is taken aback, diving into unfamiliar territory with a man he's only barely getting to know again.

"It's okay," Bucky whispers.

"I couldn't do anything," Steve weeps. "I'm supposed to save–" he sputters and sobs. "I couldn't even help her."

Tears sting Bucky's eyes as he begins to absorb Steve's anguish. He remembers the pocket watch that Steve kept with Peggy's picture in it, and the smile that used to spread across his face whenever he'd open it to check the time. Bucky has faced the possibility of losing Alice, but never like this. He's so used to death and destruction, but seeing it playing out in front of him when he isn't the cause of it makes him feel even sicker.