It's a promise

Chapter 44

Rylee's POV

My mind couldn't really process the fact that Steve was standing in front of my door. How could he be here? Why was he here? What was going on? Did I go mad? Was I still sleeping and dreaming like so many times before when I dreamed of him coming back? So I did the only thing that made sense to me at the moment and slammed the door shut.

I peeked through the window but he was still there. Steve stood on my porch before he sat down on the bench. My breathing started to speed up, my heart beat faster and I was close to hyperventilate. I made a few steps into the living room before I slid down at the wall. I tried to calm myself which I did a few times in the last months. Breath in. Breath out.

The panic attacks started shortly after I found out I was pregnant. Mostly when the insecurity hit me. When I started to ask myself how I could do everything, how I could raise this kid without the father. With each passing day that the pregnancy progressed, new moments emerged that Steve missed that made me regretful. Sometimes I kept imagining how excited he would be and how happy we could have been but that just caused more panic attacks. It also made me angry but mainly sad.

I was terrified of all the choices that had to be made. How would I get along without Steve's help and love? The palms of my hands became wet, my heart began to race and it was so difficult to breathe. The panic attacks came so suddenly each time that I didn't have time to come up with a rational thought. But I haven't had one since Charlie was born, because I didn't have the time to let myself even panic and I kinda forbid myself to think about Steve at all.

And now he stood in front of my door after eight months and everything came back. Breathe in. Breathe out. I calmed down slowly, especially after I thought about Charlie. He was everything that mattered. Oh God. Steve didn't know he had a kid. How could I tell him?

I wouldn't. Not at first at least. He deserved to know that he was a father and I would never keep his child away. But at first I needed to get answers myself. I stood up and walked into the bathroom to run cold water over my wrists and wash my face.

I looked into the mirror. My eyes looked huge and my hair was a mess. The natural waves I had made the short hair always look messy. I looked at Charlie who was still sleeping and got the baby phone from the coffee table before I opened the front door. I took a deep breath as if I needed it for the immense hurdle that lay before me.

It was time to get some answers to my questions. What did he want? Why did he come back? Did he just come back for a final goodbye? Did he try it with Peggy but it didn't work out? Did he want a second chance now? Was I just the second choice?

~

Steve's POV

'Steve?!' I saw the pure shock on her face before she slammed the door shut. This wasn't exactly what I expected. I didn't expect anything big but nearly hitting my face with the door wasn't even a possibility in my mind. Should I knock again? Should I wait here?

I sat down on the bench next to the door because she would come outside when she was ready. Over fifteen minutes later the front door opened and I looked at the woman I just saw yesterday the last time. But it was eight months for her. She cut her hair and the oversized clothes hid her body but she was still the same woman. But was she still mine? I looked into her eyes and I didn't see love or happiness. I saw doubts, uncertainty and pain.

I stood up and took a step towards her but she took two steps back and already looked like she wanted to run inside again. It hurt so much seeing her already escaping me so I put my hands up and sat back on the bench. I just wanted to hold her but I didn't want to scare her. She didn't want me to touch her or get close to her so I put my hands on my thighs.