Marked (Hosie Fanfic)

[16] What Could Have Been

A/N: Okay, so I've realized that Landon and Raf's relationship has weirded probably all of us out (including me), but it is important to the story, just wait and see. Although it might come later along in the story. But still, enjoy... (I'm also really excited for the holidays).

Josie POV

I jolt awake clawing at my throat only to realize that I'm no longer in the cemetery and instead in my room. I look around disoriented and it takes a moment for me to calm my breathing. I'm in my room. I'm not being buried and everything's fine. I repeat that thought like a mantra and it works.

This probably wasn't the first time that I've woken like this. I vaguely remember waking up in the middle of the night multiple times but it had been dark so it took me a long time to calm myself.

Yesterday night after I was pulled out of the dirt by my mom she had brought me back to my room, I had just sat frozen with my gaze far away just remembering the helpless suffocating feeling. I had let her shower me and place me in my bed. She sat by my bedside until I closed my eyes and she left shortly after. She had assumed I was asleep but I wasn't. I just lay in the dark feeling as if dirt was slowly being thrown on me as I felt a hand at my throat holding me down.

Stupid. You let someone you knew could be controlled go on a walk with you. I externally scoff at how stupid I am.

But there had been no one else to turn to. Dad and Mom were somewhere and I hadn't bothered to find them. Lizzie was having fun drinking at our birthday party. She had come back into our room, reeking of liquor and she fell onto my bed thinking that it was hers. She had curled herself around me and I just let her since I was a bit distracted by everything.

Mg and Kaleb were the DJs so I couldn't go to them. Raf and Landon were having fun, dancing in the middle of the room.

And... my thought trails off as I start thinking about a certain auburn-haired girl. Again, how could I be so stupid? How did I not see that she was just playing me? My fists clench around my blanket tightly as I think of the girl with scorn on my face. I don't need anybody's pity. I would've been just fine without a date for my birthday.

She probably doesn't even know or care that I almost died yesterday night. But then again, only my mom figured it out. So I'm not surprised that not even my dad knew. He hadn't come by to visit once and I don't even know if he knows.

I glance at the clock and realize that I should probably eat lunch. My stomach growls loudly as if it agreed with me.

I groan loudly before hauling myself off of my bed. I head to the mirror and I stare at myself. I have dark bags under my eyes and my lips are pale and cracked. My skin is pale and my cheeks have sunken in. My eyes no longer shine but instead, dull lifeless hues stare back at me.

Those same dull eyes travel down to my throat and my breath hitches as I study the ring of purple, blue, and black handprints on my neck.

Jo had held me down by my throat as she shoveled dirt onto me.

My hand slowly goes up to my throat and I gently press on the bruises and I sigh in relief as a feeling of pain throbs at my touch. I don't know why but the pain gives me relief from all the mental shit. At least, I think that's why I enjoy it.

I sniff and start getting ready. I do the usual things like brushing my teeth and hair. I don't even bother covering the bags under my eyes, I just go back into the room and start changing. I slip into sweats and a school sweatshirt. All my bruises are shown and I don't really care.

I walk out of my room, fully intending to go to the cafeteria but before I make it, I'm interrupted by the intercom going off. "Please excuse this interruption, will the squad make their way to my office, please." My dad's voice sounds from the intercom and I sigh. Guess my stomach will have to wait for a little while longer.