so lemme give y'all a little update on my life since i left it off
first of all HEY HOW YALL DOING!!!!! let me know in the comments below 😙😙😙 (lol)
so... it's january 20th 2022 and i can see the last time i posted was DECEMBER 2020 HOLY FUCK IM SO SORRY!!!
so what has happened since then...
well that boyfriend that i mention in the last chapter... i broke up with him july 2021...
i felt horrible about it and i still have love for him and we'll talk occasionally over instagram dms but the romantic relationship was over LONG before i ended it. but i did end it like less than a week after his birthday...
OH and before that! in june 2021 i graduated!!! high school but still!! as you may be able to tell from previous chapters i can be quite suicidal sometimes so i'm honestly shocked i made it that far. then in august (2021) the school had a grad dinner and it was nice :)
covid made high school a pain but whatever, at least it ended somewhat nicely :)
i still keep in touch with some of the teachers and students cus they're swaggy.
speaking of students, one of my friends from school died... 😀
yeah...
he was 17, about to be 18.
he died november 25th, the day before my 18th birthday (we were a week apart)
we were never super duper close but he was a friend and to see his corpse was... well... traumatizing...
our high school had a memorial for him which was nice, and yeah.
and thEN! five days after he died (four days after my birthday) my girlfriend broke up with me! 😀😀😀
that's right y'all. i'm part faggot.
so in like late august of 2021, about i month after i broke up with that other guy (idk if i said his name but it's josh) i met ✨her✨
kaitlyn.
she was my best friend/ cousin (you know those best friends you have who are also family friends and y'all are so close you just call them like cousins and aunties?)
so anyways my cousin-friends' friend. and as soon as i met her i was like "holy shmOKES i think im in love!1!1!1!"
and i said that to my cousin friend- let's call her Matty. i was picking matty up from a friends house and kaitlyn was a friend that was also at said friends house.
so they all walked matty out and that's when i first saw kaitlyn irl. we exchanged a few words and when we were driving off i looked at matty and said "i think im in love."
so then i asked her out (with mattys permission ofc) and on september 2nd we had our first date which went very well. but i had broken up with josh somewhat recently and i was starting college (i'll get to that in a sec) so i was like "i don't want anything to be too intense. we're both going through shit. we both have other priorities and commitments. we're just hanging out and having fun whenever we can :)" and it was all working out great.
then on october 1st she kissed me and say "you're mine now cowgirl" 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 so that kinda made it official. and on halloween we went as pete davidson and timothee chalamet from that one yeet skrt SNL skit. twas very cute.
oh yeah also her mom has stage iv breast cancer but she didn't really like to talk about it and since things weren't super intense i didn't want to pressure her but i did let her know i was there to support her. <3
so yeah. we keep going out and at the end of november i'm like "hmmm something's fishy 🤨" but i'm like she's going through a lot: college applications. her mom. work. competitive cheerleading. etc etc. so i'm like "hey baby i'm here if you need me, i hope you're ok <3"
then on november 30th. AGAIN five days after my friend has died and four days after my birthday (which was a very shit birthday may i add) she takes me out to what i THOUGHT was a belated birthday dinner and we share a bunch of apps and then i stop off at work to get my paycheck and i'm like "come in come in i want my coworkers to meet you! i talk about you all the time!!!"
so we go in and i get my check and she meets them and she's oddly quiet but i'm like it's late and i'm like "you good bebs?" and she's like "yeah 🙂"
very much giving that emoji.
ALSO i forgot to mention! i was gonna drop the L bomb. i was gonna say i love you.
well to be exact i was gonna say "kaitlyn, i think i'm in love with you." and go with that. but then we pull up and SHES getting all serious and i like "oh shit is she gonna say it first!!" cus... we'll idk if i was just reading into it but she had been saying the word "love" a LOT that night.
so i was thinking "omg is she gonna say it first!!!" then she says, "i have to break up with you." and my heart just drops. and she's saying she's sorry and explains why and it had to do with sexual assault recovery in therapy and how her therapist told her she had to break up with me which i could talk about this for hours- i may write a separate bit on it- but yeah.
i died a little inside.
so i call matty crying and she comes over after like 20 mins and i'm crying into her like "how could this happen" and she explains a bunch of shit that had been going on in kaitlyn's life and i'm like "what the fuck how did i not know about literally any of this?!????"
and i knew she didn't love to share all those deep dark feelings but i was assuming that over time she'd become more comfortable. and i let her know that she can talk to me and that i'm a safe space but i wouldn't pressure her. but yeah, apparently she was telling me like NOTHING!
so yeah, that wasn't fun...
AND i'd bought her a bunch of christmas gifts WHICH I TALKED ABOUT OVER DINNER!!! so that's a waste of money...
and yeah.
that kind of broke me.
then like two weeks ago i failed my G2 test off of the stupidest technicality (i may write a separate chapter on that too) so that bummed me the fuck out and THEN i had to start semester two of college so it's was just a lot of bad news that kept on coming. not even christmas was idle.
like november to now has just been like a downwards roller coaster with barley any ups and it's really fucking frustrating.
ok now that i'm here i'm thinking i've written about 1200 words imma do three other separate chapters about the breakup, the G2 test, and college.
so yeah! i guess i'll sign off now! i'll talk to y'all later ig. stay safe! <3
