like really truly loved. i mean i have a boyfriend but i'm just not happy anymore. i don't know if it's because of covid or what not but i'm just. not happy. i'm not fucking happy.
we haven't seen eachother in forever and we probably won't until the new year. (we hung out with eachother in march right before covid. a week and a half in july. twice early november (for a total of six hours) and that's it)
in november we finally had sex again but it was just sooooo bad. everything about that visit was bad. you would have thought he'd do SOMETHING special?? but no. just like a regular old visit. not like a "OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY ITS BEEN MONTHS!!" visit. just a "hey. let's have warmed up dominos and watch fucking harry potter and maybe kiss a lil. then the second time it was the same type of thing. but with sex. i was so excited because i was ready to be intimate and connected to him again but we didn't even do it in his room. we did it on the couch in his basement. fucking. doggy style. it seems like he was literally just trying to nut in the most convenient way possible. and i didn't even cum. when i went to the bathroom after i was in there for what felt like 20 minutes and i came out and we didn't even have like aftercare or anything i just texted my mom to get me and just kinda stayed numb the rest of the night.
i fantasize all the time about what i want my life to be. a future with someone. i don't know lately i've been craving some male attention but i also want a woman. apparently i'm not very monogamous so oops. i just want. love. from someone.
like unconditional love.
this is what i want:
someone always wanting to see me and doing so (within reason. everyone needs alone time)
we go on cute dates and always think of new stuff :)
to tell me i'm beautiful and compliment me
to talk about our future, short and long term
let me compliment them and love them and give them all the hugs and cuddles and kisses etc
let me be little and be ok babying me
let me mom/ wife you (sounds weird, i know. it's hard to explain)
be proud of me
not want to change me, only help me become the best version of myself
must not. be. conservative / republican. i've had enough of those.
be a lil freaky and willing to spice it up (i'm always down to try everything at least once, so you better too) NO VANILLAS ALLOWED
i don't know just fucking love me and tell me you love me and show me you love me aaaaaahhhhhh
