Temporary Secretary

Part 43

3 June 1981

4:30pm Wednesday

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Today had been your third routine appointment.

As it was easier to find an available time during the week, and as you no longer had a strict 9 to 5 schedule, you'd scheduled it for 2pm on a Wednesday.

You'd assured Paul that he didn't need to come to these things. There really wasn't much to see this early on (though you were nearing the midpoint now, not so early anymore). Just routine tests, measuring, checking in that you were feeling alright, or alright enough.

He'd been to the one the month before, which something of note did happen... the heartbeat on the doppler, but after that one, you weren't sure what else there was to see.

Despite it all, Paul still seemed rather adamant on going. He'd missed the confirmation appointment, and the following one, and seemed resolved to not miss any more.

You could feel some guilt in that regard. Maybe he wanted to be as involved in the process as he could, already feeling distant enough, not being the one who got to carry it, have it inside him.

It couldn't be such an uncommon thing. You could somewhat understand why he might want that sort of closeness. He was the nurturing sort, and it seemed he had always wanted a child of his own. He'd soon have it.

He'd missed the first couple months, but in fairness, you'd only known four weeks longer than he had. It was hardly a child by that time. You'd had your reasons to put it off. You could've lost it still.

But as for today's appointment, despite your reassurances, Paul had taken off the afternoon to make it.

Though he'd said he'd easily be able to make up the work, you still felt guilty for it. For the coming months, you'd make an effort to schedule them after hours regardless.

---

As expected, the appointment went as usual. You were measured, along with the regular things you'd expect from a doctor's visit.

Except the fact of Paul lurking beside you, watching over your shoulder, scrutinizing with those lovely eyes of his.

Overbearing, maybe, but you supposed it was better than the alternative.

It was good that your child would have a father around. You'd really thought it wouldn't for those first few weeks, so afraid of any of the options presented to you.

But so much had happened since then.

You really hoped things didn't change once the child came. If his expectations of it was only through rose tinted glasses, and he would lose interest once the responsibility and downsides of a crying infant made itself known.

You hoped not... You really were becoming comfortable at the idea of settling into this life. With Paul, this child, living on together in his flat. Things were nice...

For the first time in a while, you were beginning to feel secure in where you were. You were comfortable.

You wanted to believe Paul, and all the pleasantries he reassured you with. That things would be good, if not better, once the child came.

---

It was finally June...