Sleeping with a lie

(16)

Alright. So while I wait for the comments to roll in, I am going to have a soundtrack for my stories. Like for parts 13, 14, and some of 15, I used the song: Holes in the Sky (M83 ft. HAIM) I'm obsessed with it atm. I might either list this song, or provide it in the picture/YouTube video box above.
Peace, and happy reading.

Theo's face was the first image I saw before I blacked out. Crowds of people were still around me.

"Shai." He calls out. "Are you alright?"

Paramedics eyeballed me, I nod.

"Good. Do you want to head home?"

"I- yeah." With his arm around my waist, we climbed in a limo who drove us home.

_________________

"Yeah." Theo says over the phone. "She's fine, thank you."

I come from behind him, winding my arms around his masculine body. He hung up the phone.

"Family members can get on your nerves sometimes." He sighs. He turns to me.

"How is our child doing?"

"Theo, she's fine." I shut my mouth quickly. "I mean-"

He smiles. "A girl! A girl- God, why a girl?!"

"She'll be fine, Theo." I press my hand to his collar bone. "I've been thinking about you lately."

"You should, I'm always with you."

He pulls me in closer. "Mom called me last night. Dad has the same genetics as me. The cancer came from him."

Theo quickly hugs me. I guess he knew I would cry sometime or another. I don't say anything but endure the smell of his cologne.

"Shai. You've been through the unimaginable. Now you have to do the unthinkable."

"Which is what?"

"Take care of two beautiful children who are in need of thier Mother when they grow up. So stop doubting yourself, stop pressuring death on your bucket list. You can't control it." He places his forehead on mine, intertwining his fingers with my fingers. "I can't explain to you how much you mean to me."

"Mmhmm."

"Your kind," one kiss. "Loyal." Another.

I kissed him back. Our lips pressing up against one another, I bit my lip.

"Make me understand." I whisper.

He grinned. I take off his grey v neck, and he unties the bathrobe.

"When was our first kiss?" He asks.

"Filming Divergent." I reply, kissing him once more.

Shailene. You can't tell him. Not right. Now.

I draw back tears, but as Theo and I stared in each others eyes, he stops. I flinch painfully. Groaning in pain, I tie the robe back up.

"Shai, tell me what's wrong?"

I gulp, still twisting my body sharply. Yanking from his grip, I dug my nails in my skin. The pain was unbearable.

"Shai, tell me what's wrong." He puts his shirt back on.

"I...no. You wouldn't forgive me." Blood seeps Its way down my nostrils.

"Tell me now, please."

Tears make thier way down my cheeks. Parting my lips several time to get my words out- I sob more and more.

"When I tell you this, you can't get upset. you must move on. There has to be some other way for you to know about this-" I say just about to wail.

"You can trust me with anything."

"Theo, once this gets out, you- you won't be happy." I swallow my incoming sob. Holding on to his face, to prevent me from losing track. "Late last night, Dr. Linn called me from his office. There was a incident that popped up in my blood test. All of those episodes, they aren't from the brain cancer. They're from the baby. She is killing me. And as long as i have her inside of me... I'm dying."

Theo started to shrivel down to me. "What do we do?"

"That is what I have been dreading to tell you," I focus on his brown eyes. "There was never a baby to start with- it died right when it hit five weeks."

"I'm going to take a smoke." He says with anger.

_____________

Belle slept soudlessly in my arms. I stare out the window. Trees covered the glass, even some sunlight. Theo did come in from his smoke. Smelling a heck like one, he takes a quick shower and takes Belle from my arms, setting her down in her basinet.

"Remind me," He says. "Remind me of what used to be truthful."

"Theo." He began to walk away. I follow him. "Theo, turn around now!"

He glances at me with a stern look. His body came close to mine, but in a furious way. Pinning me to the wall, he banged on the bricks. "I can't help but not be angry!" He shouts. Dust from the ceiling falls on my hair. Belle started to cry.

"Thanks for waking the baby up Theo." I shout back. "Your making this worse!"

"I'm making this worse? babe, YOU HAD A FUCKING MISCARRIGE AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!! THAT IS SICK! NOT ONLY TO ME, BUT TO OUR FAMILY."

"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU THEO?!" I SCREAM. "BECAUSE WHEN ANSEL WASN'T THERE, YOU WERE. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING, EVEN PERMISSION TO BE A BLOODY PARENTAL GAURDIAN. TELL ME, THEO- DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING, ANYTHING TO YOU!?"

I left a space of silence.

He sighs, placing his hands over his mouth. "I'm so tired, Shai."

"Screaming at me isn't helping."

"No, I'm tired. Tired of being your boyfriend, I'm tried of seeing your face everyday."

"Then why won't you just leave?"

"Because I love you too much to let go." His hands are now off my wrist, and down to my waist. "I can't do this anymore."

"Remember when you told me about some sort of support?"

"Ah, you're bringing that up." He lightly chuckles. "This is pointless, the fighting I meant."

"Theo-" I say looking back towards Belles nursery. "Stop your crying daughter."

He nods, dragging me with him.

If anyone asks, she is only going through So much pain at first because of the cancer also. Not because of her holding in the secret.