Sleeping with a lie

(50)

Hey guys! The next few chapters are going to be bittersweet. That's all I am going to say.

enjoy!
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SHAI P.O.V

7: 40 AM

"Today you will start treatment..." Dr. Yahn clasped her hands together.

I zoned out in her words. Chemotherapy was going to be the worst. Theo sat directly next to me. Squeezing his hand, we exchange worried looks. Dr. Yahn brings in a tray with an array of needles.

"These are anti-biotics." She introduced before pumping access out of the first shot. "You will receive one in your spine."

"Will it feel like a epidural?" I turn around.

A assistant Nurse opens my gown. Cold air hits my back. Still holding Theos hand, I could feel the pressure in his stare. He didn't want me to do the treatment, but at the same time, He wanted me to live as long as possible.

"A tiny bit. Just no relief in pain.While I do this, I'm going to explain some of the side affects of treatment. Nausea is common, fatigue, hair loss, vomiting, risk of infection."

My pillow saved me from crouching in pain. The needle had gone in my skin twice.

"Why are we doing the treatment through her spinal cord?" Theo asks.

"Well, since we can't reach her brain at the moment, we are going in the spinal cord. Since that leads to the brain." She puts the needle in a HAZARD container.

I lay back down slowly. "How long will it take to reach my brain?"

"The more we do it, The greater chance it has reaching the brain. We'll do some educational testing to also determine her outcome."

"So wait, your telling me she's becoming less educated?"

"No, I'm saying that the bigger the tumor grows...her brain will lose some function. At this rate, I don't see her walking in the next few weeks."

"Paralysis. I thought we were doing so well!?" I say upset. "Dr. Yahn, just tell me what my outcome is in the next month. Maximum."

"Shailene," she sighed. "I'm gonna tell you this. Brain cancer controls people. How do I know? I see it yearly."

I don't let her go any farther. "You're telling me that you don't know what's going on in my body?!"

"You're slowly shutting down." She waved her hands in defeat. "I can't stop that."

I rip out my I.V from my arm. "BUT THIS CHEMO WILL?! THIS MEDICINE WILL DO NOTHING BUT KILL ME." I was yelling at her,meaning every word I said. I continue, "TELL ME THE TRUTH, AM I GOING TO LIVE OR DIE?!"

Dr. Yahn stood up from her chair.
"I don't know, I'm very sorry about that."

Theo inched his way into our argument. With his hand gone, all that was left was stiff coldness.

"Dr. Yahn. I'm very sorry that you can't do your job. I'm very sorry that my wife is in the process of dying. Chemotherapy will either make or break her. Now can you please, try to be a little optimistic?" He pursed his lips.

Dr. Yahn took a step to forward. "I don't think you understand. Death is inevitable."

"Screw you." I say harshly. "Screw this chemotherapy."

Theo twisted to me. "Honey,"

"I want a different doctor." I order with a straight face.

"Shai, Dr. Yahn is one of the best you can get. Are you sure?"

"Get her out of my room. " I tell Dr. Yahn.

Theo nodded telling Dr. Yahn to leave. Closing the door, the nurse was placing my I.V back in. She left right after. I bury my face in my hands, breathing in the oxygenated air.

"I can feel it." I say quietly. "I know I'm dying."

"Shai, you have to fight it. For us, for yourself, for the kids."

"I don't know if I.."

He kissed me stopping my words. I don't kiss him back. His forehead was pressed to mine as I spoke.

"...Theo I know this is going to be hard for you. When you get home tonight, invite Ansel to see the kids."

"What?!"

"Ansel has the right to see his daughter. He hasn't seen her in two years. I want her to know who her biological father is." I run my fingers through my bleak, thin hair. "You and Ansel have to be friends."

Theo reached for my hand. With my fingers twisted in his, he and I take looks at our wedding rings.

Vows don't matter anymore.