Sleeping with a lie

(17)

Monday, December 3.

Today, Belle gets a checkup. I'm officially scared. Ansel won't be there- wait... why am I even thinking about him? Shouldn't he be like, my last priority right now? Anyways, while Theo is in London for the weekend with his brothers, I am here alone with Belle. won't this be fun.
-yours, sDw

I close my journal, and stuff it in the bottom drawer of my side table. Without Theo is different. Even it is just 2 whole days. Clara and Mom will be with me, which is a good thing.

"Diaper bag? Milk bottles? Medical papers?" Mom read off a long list.

"Yes, yes, and yes." I say rocking Belle.

"Clara? Clara dear, aren't you supposed to be up and at em'?"

"Mom! I'm getting ready, chill!"

Mom peers over her glasses. "Say that again, much louder this time."

Clara's voice goes small. "Coming."

I laugh, putting Belle on my hip. Belle and I were matching, I was wearing jeans, brown uggs, and a black striped shirt. She was wearing a grey striped onezie, and little brown boots.

"I'm leaving." I announce grabbing my keys.

Clara jogs after me, slipping the keys from my fingers. "You need to tend to Belle. I''ll drive."

I nod, getting in back seat with Belle.

_________________________

Dr. Linn marked my bracelet. Red and blue marker.

"What are the marks for?"

"New hospital protocol. Hold Belle
for me,"

As you would guess that she did squirm, Dr. Linn successfully gave Belle her monthly shot. The shot contained a anti-biotic that made her muscles become more stronger. I bounced her thigh, her skin jiggling.

"Belle, look! You did a great job!" Nurse Bradco stepped in.

"Hush, Hush. All better see?" I make her look down at her Spongebob Band-aid. She smiles.

"Okay, Mom we're going to run more blood tests." Nurse Bradco says taking Belle and putting her in provided play pin.

A needle sticks into my arm, taking my blood with it.

"Shailene, I'm going to ask you multiple questions, and I would either like an explanation if asked- or a yes or no."

"Has Belle had regular hand movement in the past couple days?"

"Yes."

"What about her arms, feet, and body?"

"Yes."

"Sleep pattern is okay?"

"For me, or Belle?!" I joked.

"Belle."

"Off and on."

"At the Insurgent Premier in New York, you seized out. Dr. Linn conformed you of a test result. Did you have the miscarriage?"

"Yes."

"Belle is growing faster brain wise than we have predicted. Do you don't mind if Ansel comes in and talks with us?"

I part my lips. "S-S-sure."

Ansel walks in the door with jeans and a
Ansolo t-shirt on.

"Should we begin?" He sits in a chair next to me.

"Ansel and I have been on a break."

"I could tell." Dr. Linn slides a chair to us.

"Ansel, you and Shailene are, or have gone your seperate ways? Correct?"

"Yes." He answers.

"Belle has a syndrome which is quite rare in the childhood stages. When she was born, her tumor was the size of a chick pea. Now it is the size of a Apple. Don't fret, though. There is a procedure that can be done."

I exchange a glare at Belle.

"The procedure is done by opening the skull, and scoping out the tumor. " he explained pointing to a dramatization of a plastic skull. "Belle at this rate has a 20% chance of living to the age of four. By the time she has reached 5 months, she will be paralyzed in her left and right leg, and her respiratory system will start to fail."

"How can a little tumor do such horrid things?" I asked.

"Its located in the part of the brain where we can't control what goes on. That's the significant danger to it." He replies.

"Ansel?" I say quietly. "Dr. Linn, Nurse Bradco- Can we have a few minutes?"

Talking with Ansel, there was a wierd chemistry between us. I don't know if it was just not being with him all the time, or what.

"What do you want to do?"

"Save her life, possibly. I want to see her live until she's twenty."

In a moment of silence, he kisses my top lip. I don't kiss back, I sit farther way from him.

"Don't pretend." He says.

"Ansel, I'm not pretending. I love Theo, not you." I say coldly. "Theo is a better father than you were anyways."

"Were?" He repeats. "Are you kidding me? Theo is never capable to take care of a child."

"He cleans, cooks, and rocks Belle when needed. You, Ansel- ha, you can't even be brave enough to take Belle out of your precious time, and take care of her like a real man should!" I shout. "If you care so much about our daughter, then you Are brave enough to sit here and tell me what you want to do with her. Because I am blown out of the water right now."

"The surgery." He decides. "For Belle."

"For Belle." I agreed. "Yeah."