Sleeping with a lie

(20)

I'm afraid.

Afraid of running.

From what used to be a sanction of hope,

Sacrifice,

Peace.

We aren't all made for this world.

that's what I tell myself.

Don't fit in.

Don't be perfect.

Just be.

"The cancer has gotten worse, much worse than we have thought." Dr. West clears his throat. "Shailene is going through a withdrawal process. A painful way of your brain exiting most of its functions. By causing her to have multiple seizures at a time, memory lost, hallucinations, paranoia, and dreams that can become so surreal... it could be fatal from a single heartbeat too fast. She's in a fragile state. Her mind is settling between her memories and her own life."

"You're telling me I can't control what my brain does?"

"No. I'm afraid not."

Theo clenched his hands to mine. "How long does she have until- you know?"

"With the intense care and chemo, 5 months. Without, 2, max."

I exchange a stare at Theo. "I don't want the procedure."

"Shai..." Dr. West drags. "It would benefit."

"Whom? I'm dead, already. Might as well cut me short, as to relive my pain you'll try to fix."

"Can we talk? For a moment?" Theo sounded very frustrated.

"Call me if you need me Shai," she headed out the door.

"What?!" I cross my arms.

"Why're you getting such an attitude?"

"Its dealing with the fact that life picks you up like a piece of trash."

"Like how you are acting towards me right now? Trashy?" He argued.

"Who's Lauren?" I look from my finger nails. "Who is she Theo? Is she another girl you decided knock up? Somebody as hot as you look right now, is probably dreaming about your body huh?"

"Stop. Shai..."

"WHO IS SHE?!"

"My ex. Next to Ruth." He explained.

"Bye Theo. Love you." I shoo him away.

"Yeah. Call me when you have a much better attitude."

________

A guitar with unplucked strings sat on my table. I take my fingers across the nylon string. The hair of my daughter was brunette now. I'm glad she passed from her blonde phase. She takes the guitar into her hips, laying on the window sill seat.

"Do you want me to write you a song?" Her small voice asks me.

"About what if I say yes?"

"You."

I nod.

She strummed chords beautifully. Her harmony was amazing, and the sound of her voice made me want to sing along.

If you guys can imagine, the song sort of sounds like 'Tee-Shirt By Birdy'.

"What's going on?" Ansel asks.

Belle stops playing. "Song time, Dad. "

"She's pretty good." Theo pops out of no where. "Theo thinks so."

"She's our daughter, right Shailene."

Theo and Ansel being in the same room as me made me flip out in my mind, but on the outside- I did something much different.

"Belle isn't going to be torn between you two."

"Who said she was?" Theo asks.

"Choose."