Sleeping with a lie

(46)

Belle plays with her short curls. Mom was styling Oliver's hair. I was still changing Carson Rae's diaper.

"Belle?" She called out. "Pick a snack- Apples or Carrots?"

"Apple's with Caramel?" Her smart baby accent made me smile.

"Well, you're father must've taught you that eating habit." She handed Belle the Apple's and a little plastic container of Carmel.

"Dada, do you want some?" Belle offered.

"Sure honey." I take the damp green apple slice from her hand. Caramel lingered from it's edge.
Eating the Apple, I then ate more than I could. Belle made her way into my arms, and so did Oliver. Carson Rae was in Mom's hands.

"Lets get a move on!!" She shouts. The light switch gets flipped off and I follow my mother-in-law.

______________________

"...and when God!" The preacher was yelling and shouting very Christian like terms, waving his hands in the air, and even giving his towel a chance to ring off his Holy sweat.

"Ms. Woodley? Would you please step forward?" The preacher called.

She nods. Hiking up her coral maxi- skirt and stepping onto the stage with clicking heels, she made her way to the Mic.

"Good morning, everyone. Seems like Pastor Ralph did some great scripture. Very great indeed. Now with the service." The piano played as she talked. "Today we not only honor ourselves as a union of the church, but as human beings. As my husband used to say, God is the light to every dark tunnel. Sometimes even the brightest stars can fill the darkest galaxy." She exhaled into the Mic. On accident, resuming her speech. "Today with me is my family. Basically all that I have left."

Her head gestures to me. I smile. Holding my three children, the members of the church coo and wave back.

"They have helped me through a lot. Uh, maybe just enough to get me through what I need to do. My daughter, Shailene is one of my favorite people on this very earth. Besides the invisible causality that she has cancer, she decides to strive and do good for her children..."

I listen closely to her speech more. I never knew she felt so passionate about her own daughter, let alone had the experiance of seeing death before her eyes. Lori was a strong woman.

"To the exciting part!! We are serving breakfast downstairs, and in between one o'clock and three, we will be serving Pastors Infamous Grilled Feast."

I suppose this was what hosted regularly.

"Adding to that, events such as the water balloon toss, volleyball, and The God's Children Auction, will be taking place. Please make your way to the dining area or if you just can't stay with us- which were so sad that you couldn't- take a to-go plate! We have plenty of food for everyone."

The crowd dispersed into groups of pretty dresses and happy faces. Lori approaches us with a wad of cash. I glance down at her hands.

"Take it,"

"What?"

"Take it." She nearly forces it into my hands.

"I'm not going to take your money. I'm sure as hell not going to leave my children with you in a huge church like this. Thank you, but we are leaving." I grasp the hand of my oldest, trudging her with me. Oliver and Carson Rae are slipped into my hands.

"Fine,"

Turned around, she says something unruly.

"Shailene's death is going to be on you. God only wants to help."

She's was pushing my buttons. In a church.

"MAYBE I JUST DON'T WORSHIP GOD AS MUCH AS YOU DO, LORI." I say sternly.

"Thanks for letting me know that. You're daughter will be a slut for all I care."

I ignore her. Snickering, Belle still walked beside me, playing with her hair.

"Dada, can we get ice cream?"

"Anything you want baby." I promise.

"I miss mama." She whispers.

"I do too." I say back. "I do too."