Tumila na rin yung ulan at nakita ko na medyo nanginginig na si Pat. Mukhang nilalamig na siya kaya bumalik na kami sa loob ng bahay nila. We were dripping wet at para hindi namin magising sila Tita, tahimik kaming umakyat ni Pat papunta sa kwarto niya para makakuha ng damit.
We were quietly climbing the stairs nung narinig namin na may bumukas na pinto at may naglalakad kaya bigla kaming napasandal sa pader para magtago at nakita namin na dumaan si Manang papuntang kusina. We both let a sigh of relief and we both laughed quietly pero Pat suddenly signalled me to keep quiet. Biglang humarap sa 'kin si Pat tapos humawak siya sa balikat ko to check kung nakalagpas na ba si Manang. Then she pushed on my shoulder to regain her balance as she tried to steady herself and pagharap ko sa kanya, I noticed na pantay na yung mukha namin.
Somehow I smiled at her and gave her a toothless grin as Pat did the same. We were back at the staring game and napatingin ako sa lips niya. And I can tell that she was looking at mine. Nararamdaman kong umiinit yung mukha ko but I didn't mind. I inched closer to Pat at papalapit na yung mukha naming --
"Hachoo!"
Biglang bumahing si Pat at nauntog siya sa ulo ko kaya hinimas ko yung noo ko and I stopped myself from smiling dahil natalsikan ako ng laway ni Pat.
"Hala sorry!"sabi niya tapos pinunasan niya yung mukha ko ng kamay niya kaya pinilit kong iiwas yung mukha ko. Then she suddenly started laughing at pilit niyang tinatakpan bibig ko kasi tumatawa na rin ako then she shushed at me.
"Ngayon ata natin kailangan ng coffee."sabi ko sa kanya habang iniiwas ko pa rin yung mukha ko mula sa kamay niya.
Then there was suddenly this silence and we stood there staring at each other again. We held on to each other's gaze and feeling ko na umiinit na naman yung mga pisngi ko. I stared right into Pat's eyes and I inched closer again. I got a whiff of Pat's scent as I continued to move closer. I closed my eyes nung biglang --
"Ma'am."
I jumped at halatang nagulat din si Pat. Namumula ata ako. Muntik na yun. She fanned her face with her fingers as she cleared her throat.
"Manang."sabi niya.
"Kailangan niyo po ba ng tuwalya?"
"Ah.. opo."sabi ko na lang tapos bumaba na ako ng hagdan at sumunod kay Manang bago pa ako tuluyang mapahiya. Naramdaman kong kumakabog pa rin yung dibdib ko mula dun sa kanina.
That was too close. I almost kissed her. Pakiramdam ko namumula nanaman ako. Inabot lang sa 'kin ni Manang yung tuwalya and I waited for Pat sa sala. Tiningnan ko yung mga pictures at napangiti ako when I saw Pat's picture nung bata pa siya. Ang cute nito. Ang sarap ibulsa. She then made her way downstairs at inabot yung damit. Nagpalit lang ako and we sat on the sofa to watch a movie.
Nanunuod kami ng movie nung naisipan kong akbayan si Pat but I changed my mind kaya pinatong ko na lang sa sandalan ng sofa nila. Maya maya naramdaman kong sumandal si Pat sa braso ko. I thought she would move away but instead she inched closer to me at sinandal yung ulo niya sa balikat ko. I felt relieved and I realized that I had been holding my breath. Sinandal ko lang din yung ulo ko sa ulo niya. The next thing I knew, ginigising ako ni Pat. Sa sobrang gulat ko, muntik na akong mapatalon.
"Sorry. I fell asleep."sabi ko sa kanya then she smiled at me. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog pala ako.
"Ayan kasi, punta punta ka pa dito. See, you're too tired."
"You're worth it naman eh."
"Pa-fall ka talaga eh 'no?"
"What? Di naman ah. But, di ko na kasalanan kung nahuhulog ka na sa 'kin."sagot ko sa kanya.
"Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo."sabi niya. I smiled habang kinukusot ko yung mata ko at di ko na rin napigilang humikab.
"Let's go upstairs na so you could sleep."sabi niya sa 'kin. "Tara na."
Nagulat ako when Pat suddenly held my hands and led me papasok sa kwarto niya. Akala ko sa guest room nila ako matutulog but I guess she had other plans.
"Tabi tayo matutulog?"tanong ko.
"May problema ba?"tanong niya. Umiling lang ako at humiga na. Nilapag niya yung ibang gamit niya at tumabi na rin siya sa 'kin.
We have slept beside each other before, but somehow I can feel myself palpitating. Parang pati tenga ko tumitibok and somehow nakakaramdam ako ng kaba. Hindi ko maexplain yung nararamdaman ko but there's that overwhelming feeling again and I feel like I'm drowning in it. I badly just wanted to pull Pat closer to me.
"Aji. Are you still up?"tanong niya.
"Yeah why?"sabi ko sa kanya tapos umayos ako ng pwesto para humarap sa kanya.
"I want to do something."
"Ano yu--"
Natigilan ako nung bigla akong hinalikan ni Pat sa pisngi and she suddenly hugged me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magrereact pero parang lalabas na yung puso ko mula sa dibdib ko. I just hugged Pat tighter and pulled her closer. Namiss ko 'to. There's this feeling of warmth and calm habang nakayakap ako sa kanya. Somehow I feel recharged. I felt the world melt away.
She then held me tighter kaya napangiti na lang din ako. I then planted a kiss on her forehead. She rested her cheeks on my chest and I wondered kung naririnig niya ba how loud my heart had been thumping on my chest. Pero despite that, I feel very calm. I feel as if this is the kind of rest that I had been looking for for several years.
I've never craved for anyone's presence until today. I am not sure whatever this feeling is, pero this is something I want. I never knew I could crave for something I don't even have yet. Pero now it has been very clear...
There's no denying it anymore.
Mahal ko na nga si Pat.
