I Don't Wanna Break

16 Years.

Author's Note.
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There's only going to be 40 chapters in this book so that means that there will only be 6 more chapters after this one. Each one will be from different point of views so that you will get a piece of how everyone's life is after Mckenzie/Lana's death. There will not be another book after this one but I do hope that you guys will read my other fanfic Stockholm Syndrome.

Lots of love
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16 years after Mckenzie/Lana's death...

Lenzie's POV

Today is my 16th birthday.

I've spent 16 years without my mother. I've spent 16 years without my father.

Maybe that's not the right away to say it....

I never had a mother. She committed suicide 16 years ago. A week after I was born.

My father.
My father has been here for 16 years. He's alive and breathing but he's not living at all. He talks to me, he drives me to school, he's always there physically. But not mentally.

I almost want to hate my mom for leaving him like this. For leaving him in such a state, that makes me scared that he will eventually follow in her footsteps and off himself just like she did. You'd think I'd have at least a little bit of faith, considering how long he's lasted. 16 years wihtout so much as a cut on his wrist. But the truth is that I don't even have an ounce faith left for him.

Want to know why?

Because I have never once seen him smile. Never in the 16 years that I've been alive. Sure I've seen pictures and heard stories of him being happy but I've never seen it. I've only seen this sad shell that my mother left behind.

You can't even imagine how that makes me feel. How would you feel if you knew that no matter how hard you tried, that no matter what you did, you could never make your own father smile?

It's the worst feeling in the world. Knowing that no matter what, even you can't bring joy to your father's life.

So thanks again mom. For giving me a numb father and for the 16 years that you were too much of a coward to live through and missed.

./././././././././././././././.

I crawl through the small window, in my room, to get outside. I go out feet first and then slide the rest of my body out slowly. The cool air feels nice on my warm skin but I regret not bringing a small jacket with me.

I run up to the road quietly to meet my boyfriend Colin. It's hard to make out his figure in the dark but I can faintly see the soft glow coming from his cigarette.

"Colin." I whisper.

He puts his hand on my elbow and pulls me to his chest.

"Hey." He says.

I instantly push my lips to his and kiss him. It's the most perfect thing in the world. This moment. This feeling. Just perfect.

He pulls away and we're both breathing hard. "Oh god, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"What are you wearing?" He asks.

"What you bought me." I say in a sing songy voice.

I knew he wanted me to where it so I did. It's a white crop top with the words 'Colin's Girl' written on it and some leather tights with black combat boots.

"Good." He growls.

He takes my hand and leads me to his sleek black sportscar and opens the door for me. I sit down in the car and he closes the door.

I've been waiting to see him for weeks and now it's finally happening. And I know this party is going to be great.

He turns on the radio and this old band named The Broken starts to play. Colin's face scrunched up in disgust and he changes it to another station and this time it's Tove Lo. He starts to sing along with her loudly and I giggle. He loves Tove Lo.

Soon we are at his house. The lights are on inside and I can hear the music even though I'm sitting in the car.

Colin lives in a three story house and drives an expensive ass car because his parents are loaded. I'm not even kidding. They're fucking rich.

And even though Colin may seem like some spoiled rich kid, he's really not. He's a damn genius. He's got this whole view of how he's gonna run his dad's business and I just know that he's gonna be very successful.

When we get inside of the house we go straight to the kitchen for the alcohol. I settle on some kind of spiked punch and mixes up his own drink and then we're off to the living room.

Hot sweaty bodies dance around us as we make our way to the couch. A couple sits making out on it already but Colin pulls them apart and tells them to take it some where else.

He sits down and then pats his lap. I straddle him and then take a sip of my drink.

He bites his lip and put his hands on my waist.

"I want you to try something for me." He asks.

I nod. I don't know what he wants me to try but I know I don't care. I'd do anything for him.

What happens next is one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my life. It was my first taste of drugs. It was my first step into the dark.

Later that night he lead me up to his room and you can only imagine what happened then.

2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Colin was mad when he found out. He blamed me for ruining his life and then he beat me.

I lost the baby that night.

Fast forward 5 years.

I know lie in bed with my husband, Colin, in our three story house with no kids.

He's lying on top of me whispering sweet nothings into my ear while I just lie there feeling numb. And for the first time in a long time I think of my mother.

Is this how she felt? Numb?

And I instantly forgive her for leaving me here on this earth without her. It's better than making her suffer like I am.

But maybe I won't have to for long.
/././././././././././././././././.

The picture is of Lenzie (hayden panettiere) and Colin (zac efron).