I Don't Wanna Break

Unevitable

Lana/Mac's POV

I have tried so many times to do this. But this time I'm serious.

I prepare myself for this inevitable event about to take place. It has to happen. I cannot think of another way to give Niall a happy life. To give Lenzie a happy life.

What is my daughter gonna think of me when she gets older? She's not gonna want to be around her crazy, depressed, and suicidal mother. I can see her now when she's little, asking Niall,"Daddy why is Mommy so sad all the time?"

Would he have an answer or he just brush it off like it was nothing. Would he keep her away from me until I get my act together? What a waste of time that will be. I am never going to get better. I am never going to change.

I run a bath and begin to take my clothes off. I stare at my bones sticking out around my body. I've lost so much weight in these last few months. I'm literally just a walkink bag of skin and bones. Dark circles show off my lack of sleep. Bloodshot eyes expose how much I've cried.

I look like shit.

I step into the bath tub and shut off the water. The hotness makes my skin sting and turn red but I don't care because soon, my blood will run cold and my body will go numb.

My phone vibrates from its place on the floor. Niall is calling me.

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Niall's POV

Lenzie cries from her crib and my head throbs from the volume of it.

"Mac, I'm sorry to bother you, but the damn baby won't shut up and I just can't....I don't know what to do. What do I do?"

"Niall?"She says, voice cracking.

She's been crying.

"Mac? Mckenzie what's wrong?" my voice is frantic with worry. I know what she's thinking already.

"I can't do this anymore." She whispers. "I'm sorry."

She's gonna kill herself.

"Mckenzie Adams. Don't you apologize to me. I'm gonna see you tomorrow and we're gonna talk about this."

My eyes sting from possible tears and I feel my heart begin to burn. Catching fire from the pain behind her voice.

"Just stay on the phone with me until it's over."

"NO! Hell no!" I grab my keys and head for the door. "I'm the driving over there."

"NO! No. You have to watch the baby. Just stay on the phone with me. Please."

I do what she asks only because I know that if I get on that car, I will just push her into doing it faster.

"Okay. I will." I sit down on the couch and listen to her breathe because this will be the last time I will hear it.

"Sing to me." She whispers.

I hear the sound of water in the background and a sharp gasp escapes from her mouth. Followed by another.

"I figured it out. I figured it out from black and white. Seconds and hours maybe they had to take some time."

She begins to sing with, me with a voice so soft and fragile. The sound washing over me and filling me up with sorrow and regret.

We continue to sing together and I don't even bother to hold back the tears anymore.

By the time we reach the chorus the second time, she's not singing anymore. She's not breathing anymore either.