I Don't Wanna Break

Scars

The cuts seem to multiply on my body. Each time someone throws criticism or an insult at me, another one is inflicted.

I haven't talked to anyone about it. There's no one left that I trust. Not after the one person that promised to never hurt you, does the exact opposite. Scars like that don't heal that easily.

All concerts and meetings that were scheduled, have been canceled. Linda doesn't want me out until all of this cools down, but the truth is that it never will.

No one will let this go. They will always want to know the whole story. They will want to know what was going through my mind as all this was happening. They're hungry for every detail and they won't stop until they have it.

Harry, Nat and Louis have called several times but as usual I never answer. I know that they're probably worried about me, especially after seeing my bleeding wrist broadcasted all over America.

Not only do people see me as a liar but now they see as suicidal.

I think back to the fist time Jesse and I met. I had called him a sarcastic asshole and he called me a suicidal bitch.

Maybe he was right. I mean I've tried to kill myself three times already.

I tried overdosing on pills but I still woke up in the morning.

I tried shooting myself but Jesse stopped me.

I tried cutting my wrists deep enough so I would die but Jesse started hiding my blades away from me.

What he doesn't know is that I always have one hidden. Under my mattress. The bottom of my underwear drawer. Inside my bag of pads and tampons. Places he would never think to look.

"Lana."

I turn in the bed and look at the green eyed man lying beside me.

"Stop." He says.

"Stop what?"

"Thinking." He sighs. "I don't know what you're thinking, all I know is that it's not good."

He puts a hand on my hip and pulls me into his chest. I put my forehead against him and listen to his heartbeat slowly.

Thump thump thump thump

The steady beat of his heart and his warmth comfort me in a way. It makes me feel as if I'm really not alone. I have this pair of arms around me and this beating heart putting life into mine.

We don't really talk. Most of the time I just stare at nothing while my mind continues to fill with dark thoughts. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I don't do anything.

Make up can't cover the dark bags under my eyes. Food doesn't stay inside my stomach long enough to digest. Most activities seem uninteresting or a waste of time.

Life just seems useless.

Why live when dying would be much easier? I wouldn't have to feel all this pain. I wouldn't have to torture myself with all the things I haven't forgiven myself for. I wouldn't have to live in misery while others laugh at my heartache.

All the pressure of being famous, of being known, has affected me in the worst way. I have to worry about my image. If I wear, say or do the wrong thing people will find out. They criticize and beat down on me because they know the type of effect they have.

Jesse grabs my wrist with his hands. He pulls it up to his face and kisses every scar. Every single one. The old ones the ones from yesterday. The ones from today. All of them.

"I love you Lana. I love you with every piece of my heart and my soul. I love you as Mckenzie and as Lana because both girls are incredibly strong."

He picks up the other wrists kisses those scars too. "These cuts don't mean that you're weak. I know that you think it does but I'm telling that it doesn't. If anything these scars prove just how strong you are."

He intertwines his fingers through mine and pulls them to him. He kisses me forehead and continues to talk.

"You see veterans walking around with scars on them and people praise them because they've been to war and have been strong enough to make it out alive. You are fighting your own war and I know that you are strong enough to make it out alive. Every scar has a story and you should be proud to tell yours."

___________________

Ship names?

Any ideas... I'm terrible and coming up with them!!!

I did a double update the least you could do is comment some names for me.

Lana + Jesse

Mckenzie + Jesse

Lana + Niall

Mckenzie + Niall

Comment some names and the couple that you ship!!! Who's ever I pick will a dedication next chapter!!!