I Don't Wanna Break

Frustration

Niall's POV

I have tried so hard to please her, to make her happy. Why can't I do that? I did everything in my power just to see her smile, but it just seems like it's just never enough. When we were together the first time, she left me for Jackson. When I saved her from her dad, she ran away from me. When she left me for Jesse and got pregnant, she wished for death.

Nothing I do is ever good enough.

What surprises me is that she would leave her own child behind, just so she could prove some sick, sadistic point. I don't why she insists that her happiness can only come from death? Maybe it's because she'd just rather die than deal with the reality of her problems, of her choices. Others would get high or do drugs but instead she chooses to die. Which would be the worst out of those choices.

I guess I can understand where she's coming from. I practically destroyed her career and her life. I kidnapped her, drugged her at her own wedding, beat her, almost raped her, and nearly made her kill herself. I could probably write a novel from all the things that I have done to screw up her life. Maybe I should be the one trying to kill myself. Maybe I should be the one wishing for death.

There are so many things running through my head. Voices telling me to off myself and save Mckemzie from hurting anymore than she already is but I know my heart says something different. It's acually quite funny how things work. Your brain, which chooses the more logical path; and then your heart, a beating organ, cradled in your chest cavity.

How can your heart lead you to make some of the most stupidest decisions in your life? All it is, is just a power house for your body. It pumps blood through out your body, through your veins, to your other vital organs, to your brain. But in the end, it's always a question as to whether you believe in your head or your heart. Sure your head can keep you from getting hurt but it's the pain that makes us human.

So that's the question I ask myself now. What do I believe in? My head or my heart?

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Mckenzie/Lana's POV

I cannot wait to get out of this hospital. All of these white walls, and all of these pale-faced patients constantly roaming the halls, are driving me crazy. Every minute I lay in this wretched bed is another minute I lose a little piece of my sanity.

Harry and Nat are on their way now to pick me up. I tried so hard to convince them not to but Nat wouldn't listen. It seems she knows about what I intend to do when I am released from here, which includes possibly ending my life or running away or leaving my child without a home.

A doctor walks in with a clipboard and a small tote. His face old with age and experience.

"Mrs. Horan-"

"Reed. It's Mrs. Reed."

He nods his head and clicks his pen. "Here are your release papers. Just have you and your husband sign them and then you and your baby will be free to go."

"I don't have a husband." I say quietly.

He clears his throat and places the small tote and clipboard onto my lap. "Well I am sorry Mrs. Reed but the father of the child must sign the papers if you are to take your baby home."

I nod and sign the papers. "And the tote?"

"It contains your clothes from when you checked into the hospital. Just leave your gown on the bed, collect your belongings and then wait in the waiting room for your ride to arrive. These papers," he takes the clipboard from my hands. "Will be waiting at the front desk for the father to sign. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

I shake my head.

"Great. Have a safe trip home."

When I walk into the waiting room, Nat, Niall and Harry are all waiting there for me. Nat runs straight for me as soon as her eyes catch a glance of me. Her arms wrap themselves around me and squeeze me tight.

"Mckenzie! It feels like it has been forever since I last saw you! I've missed you so much!" She pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes. "I'm never going to let anything get between us again. Not an identity change, not depression and definitely not Harry. I love you too much."

She embraces me once more, then takes my hand and leads me to the others.

Niall seems to be preoccupied with a staring competition between him and the floor. Harry gives me a warm hug and kisses me on the forehead.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks.

"They said that the father of the child has to sign the papers before the baby can be taken home." My eyes travel to Niall's rigid form and I notice the faint moving of his jaw, due to him clenching and unclenching it.

He looks at Harry and finally speaks. "I'm going to go sign the papers and then go home. I plan to come by and pick the baby up tomorrow night around eight."

He starts to walk away but I stop him by pulling his jacket sleeve. "What do you mean pick the baby up?"

He smirks at me. "I mean exactly what I said. I am going to pick the baby up tomorrow around eight. That baby is just as much mine as it is yours and I do believe your were the one that wanted to die and give it to me."

He snatches arm from my grip. "And since you are already dead to me, I've decided to take the baby in."

I stand there frozen in my position. I know what he says is true and I know that I cannot change his mind. He is going to keep the baby and I have no say in it.

But I guess staying out of his way, is much better than screwing up his life even more.

Now I know just what I need to do.