The Red Star

Chapter 31

Logan had taken charge of showing Sigyn to the room where she would stay and slowly, the others filed out of the room. She stared at her feet with a frown and looked up at the silence. No one was there and she stood alone next to the window, overlooking the maze of hedges.
She let out a sigh and leaned on the windowsill, watching the young mutants set up for the bonfire and party to be held in honor of the anniversary of the institution of the school. She didn't remember how long it had been, and she didn't care much. At the moment, she was worried about Dove. But not only Dove.....She thought of Bucky.
She knew she loved him, but she couldn't say it. She knew that it would hurt him but it was a necessary alternative to the pain he would have to endure with her and Dove.
Jay's eyes shut as she covered her face with her hands. She groaned then sighed, thinking of her miserable little situation. She didn't know what to do, and she had never loved anyone like this before.
A movement behind her made her eyes shoot open and she spun around. To her relief it was only Johnny standing in the doorway watching her.
"What's wrong ?" he asked her.
"Well," Jay began, "I love someone, but I can't seem to tell him."
"Well has Bucky told you he loved you yet?" Johnny asked leaning against the door frame and thrusting his hands in his pockets.
"How did.." Jay was cut off by Johnny chuckling,
"It's painfully obvious."
"I guess it is...." Jay mumbled.
"Well did he?" Johnny was impatient now and Jay shrugged and said,
"No."
"And why don't you tell him you love him?" Johnny asked.
"Because.." Jay paused. She could find the words to explain the turmoil that was eating at her conscience. "oh I don't know!" she finally said, throwing her arms out, "I don't want to hurt him. Why should he have to take on the pains of taking care of me when he has already lived a horror story of a life?!"
"Jay," Johnny laughed, "I may be a hot head, and a bit narcissistic,but you need to know.....Why would he be brought down by your pain? Why would it bring him sorrow to love you if he really loves you? Honestly Jay, think about it, you just need to finally tell him. Stop making yourself and him miserable by not saying anything." Johnny paused then added, "Steve is really rubbing off on me, I swear."
The two chuckled and Johnny smiled adding,
"If he really does love you, none of the pain he might have to deal with with ever be a problem for him."
Jay nodded, feeling foolish as her cheeks began to turn a soft shade of pink. She looked back up at Johnny and realized that he wasn't there anymore. She just raised an eyebrow and shrugged, walking out if the room and into the hall.
She looked at the end of the hall and saw Bucky talking to Steve. Both had a serious look on their face and Bucky had his arms crossed. She furrowed her brows as her stomach turned. She loved him to a fault and it was killing her. At one point she was afraid that, the next time she saw him, she'd just end up grabbing him and kissing him.
She blushed again as a soft grin came to her lips. She walked forward and was at Steve's side in a moment, but the second she appeared both men stopped speaking.
"Hi." Jay said with as much of a smile as she could muster.
"Hi." the two replied.
Bucky watched her closely as she struck up a conversation with Steve and a strange feeling came over him. He watched her every move, from her smile to the way she stood and soon he had to force himself to look at something else.
It was killing him to not take her in his arms every time he saw her and shower her with kisses. He was so in love with her that it almost killed him half of the time, and ever time they were close, he would try to steal an embrace or an affectionate kiss on the cheek, anything at all.
He stopped himself there though. She would hate him for what he did, and the possibility of a relationship after that would be gone. He could just never tell her, but that didn't sit right with him. He could never lie to her.
He ran his hand through his hair and crossed his arms over his chest. He had to tell her. He must tell her. He would tell her. He then made up his mind as his eyes watched her lovingly. He would tell her that night, when they were alone. Everyone else would be distracted by the party and there would be no need for making a scene. He loved her to a fault and he was determined to never lie to her.