The Red Star

Chapter 23

Jay struggled to open her eyes, the light feeling as if it was burning them. She blinked and saw the creme of the ceiling of her room. She was warm, but a feeling in her gut made her realize she was hungry. She yawned and moved her arms, which until then, had felt numb.

There was an ache that weighed her down, but once she was able to sit up, she found that the pain was going away. She looked around her room, then saw draped over the foot of her bed, the dress Bucky had gotten her. She gasped then threw herself forward, landing on her stomach, inspecting the dress. So far she found no tears and there could only be seen a minor blemish. It had obviously been washed because it smelled fresh. In relief, she set the dress down then stood. She was a bit wobbly on her feet at first, but in the warm and clear aired room, she took in a breath and was quite happy with the lack of pain.

She had taken only five minutes to change and was wearing a knee length, layered creme skirt with a navy blue top that had quarter length sleeves and was comfortably form fitting. She ran her hands through her hair and walked over to the bathroom, gently brushing it out. After this was done, she slipped on a headband and slid two navy blue stud earnings into her ears. She didn't worry about makeup today, she looked refreshed and happy already, there was no reason to cover that up.

Rubbing some chapstick on her lips, Jay left the quiet room, to walk into an even more peaceful hallway. Confused, Jay made her way to the kitchen to find no one there. This made her even more nervous and she made her way back to her room, where she slipped on her navy blue TOMS and ran to the front door. She opened it and ran down the main stairs and onto the gravel. It was then that a car drove up and she looked at it closely to find that it was Steve's Mustang. Relieved, Jay med with the car and was surprised to see Bucky in the driver's seat. He stopped and put it in park, climbing out.

"Jay? What are you doing?" He said, walking to her

He wore a pair of black, lace up shoes, dark denim jeans, a white t shirt with a men's v neck and a dark denim jacket.

"I just woke up. I was looking for everyone." Jay said.

Bucky came up to her and asked,

"The younger children are on a field trip and the older ones are at a symphony concert." Bucky paused and asked, " How are you feeling?"

"Good." Jay said, "really good."

Bucky chuckled and added,

"You look really good."

Jay blushed and looked down at her feet with a smile. Bucky watched her carefully then asked,

"Are you hungry?"

"Always ." Jay laughed.

He smiled then said,

"You want to go to a diner for lunch?"

"Yeah." She replied.

"Alrighty then, hop in." Bucky motioned to the car.

He came to the passenger door and opened it, letting Jay slip in. When she was settled, he shut the door then strode to his side and slipped in, putting it in reverse.

They arrived at a small diner that was cozy and surrounded by a lovely forest just outside of the city. Jay walked and to find barely anyone there, but that was alright with her. She sat next to Bucky at the main counter and the slim, middle aged waitress came up and asked for their orders. When she walked away, Bucky turned and placed one foot on the edge of a table and rested his elbows and back on the counter behind him. Jay watched him with admiration and then pity. How could he have possibly managed to make it through all of that pain and still be able to smile. She loved his smile, it made her laugh and feel like she was happy. Bucky always did. He was the source of her happiness now, and it was only then, in that small diner in the middle of a forest that she finally understood that.

She stopped herself and looked away from him, just as he turned his head to look at her. She couldn't possibly drag him down with her, he had enough pain. If she shared a life with him, he would have to share her pain and she couldn't let that happen. He deserved to be happy and she was sure that she didn't bring about his happiness. Bucky seemed to be the telepathic one then as he read her expressions all too well. It almost hurt him to think that Jay could ever believe she wasn't good enough for him.

She was too good for him. He never stopped thinking about her from the first day he met her. Her smile made his heart melt and her laugh made him feel butterflies in his stomach. She was perfect and he wasn't, but she thought that it was herself that was the greatly imperfect person, whereas he was.

He felt a pang of sorrow as he watched her argue with her own conscience. He loved her to the point of almost utter worship and she thought of herself as a terrible person, not worthy of Bucky's love. He wanted her to know how he felt and how she felt about him.

"Jay," he said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you love me?" He asked.

Jay froze. The sudden and straightforward question caught her off guard and she didn't know what to do.

"You are my closest friend." Jay replied, improvising. She didn't know what to do. He was too good for her and she would just bring him down.

Bucky turned his head and gave her a look.

"That's not what I'm asking Blue."

Jay could feel her heart pounding out of her chest, vibrating throughout her whole body.

"I ummm." She paused and swallowed hard. There was no point in lying now, "I--"

Jay suddenly keeled forward, almost onto Bucky's lap.

"Blue?!" Bucky said.

"Oh my heavens!" The waitress screamed.

"Bucky..." Jay said as he sat her up, " Charles and Crys are in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Bucky asked, his hands holding her firmly as she began to sway.

"Doom."