The Red Star

Chapter 51

They were both silent, their dinner getting cold on the table. Jay took a sip of her wine then set the glass down softly, brushing the tips of her fingers over the bruise which curled about her neck. She cleared her throat and then said,

"You alright?"

Bucky looked up from the table where his metal finger tapped slowly. He looked back down at his finger and said,

"I'm fine."

Jay nodded slowly and took up her glass of wine again before adding,

"Are you going to talk to me?"

After a moment of silence Jay threw her empty glass on the floor making it shatter on the hardwood floor.

"The Hell?!" Bucky shouted.

"The hell is right!" Jay shouted, "I'm sick of you doing this to me. At the very least you should just not even come out of your room!"

"Okay you need to calm down." Bucky said in a stern voice.

Jay jumped to her feet and shouted,

"Don't you tell me to calm down! I almost died! You almost killed me!"
"Jay!" She heard Steve shout from behind her.
She turned quickly around and saw Steve standing in the doorway with his hands be his aides.
"It's true!" Jay said.
"Doesn't mean you need to remind him of it." Steve added, taking a step forward.
Jay let out a loud sigh and dropped into her chair with a loud thud, putting her head on her folded arms.
" I don't know what you want me to do." She said.
"I think what you need to do is calm down." Steve said, " You don't need to be bringing things up that need to be forgotten."
"No." Bucky cut in.
Jay's head shot up and she watched him carefully, as if she had never heard him speak before.
"Bucky---" Steve tried to say.
"We need to talk about what happened." Bucky said, "Or we will just fall apart." He looked directly at Jay and added, "God knows I would die before that happened."
Jay didn't reply, and neither did Steve, they only waited in silence. It was in that moment that Jay remembered what she saw and felt when she penetrated Crys's mind. Bucky was there and something made her sense that there was more to it. She was pulled back to reality when Bucky stood and put out his hand.
"Come here." He said.
Jay took his hand and he led her out of the kitchen and into the hallway, leaving Steve alone. He sighed then rubbed his temples before seating himself at the table. Crys appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of jeans and one of Steve's sweatshirts that was many sizes to big for her. She watched him then came forward and put her hand on his shoulder making him turn quickly to her. On seeing her he sighed and rested his head in his hands saying,

"I don't know what to do anymore." he looked up at her and added, "This is all getting so confusing."

 Crys watched him with pity then placed her hand on his shoulder again, giving it a momentary massage while saying, 

"Everything will work out. I mean as long as you're here, we're fine."

 Steve chuckled and said,

"I'm flattered really."

Crys chuckled and said in a quieter tone,

"You should be."

 Steve chuckled as Crys smiled and continued to rub his shoulder her her hand as she tried to roll up the lengthy sleeves. He turned and wrapped his arms around her waist making her blush as he pulled her closer and closer until his face was pressed against her abdomen and her hands were brushing through his hair. 

"I love you." she heard his muffled voice say.

"I love you too." she replied,  kissing the top of his head softly.

 Jay opened her eyes quickly and sat up with a gasp. It was still dark and she found that she was sweating and breathing heavily, her covers sprawled out all over the bed and the floor. For a few moments she had no idea what her dream was about but when she thought about it she instantly remembered. She had seen Bucky being strapped into a metal chair. He wasn't fighting and he wasn't speaking, he was only staring forward, a terrible fear and anguish in his eyes. She was screaming his name as the chair leaned back and a strange machine covered his head. She tried to run and pull forward but something was keeping her still. 

 Not a moment later she saw herself in her old kitchen. She didn't realize it at first but when she saw the hideous carpet that her parents had bought a year before they were killed. She especially hated it because of the fact that one day when she came in from playing in the rain and picking up stray cats, she had tripped on the edge of the carpet as she carried a wet and frightened cat to her chest. The cat ended up running away but not before scratching her up quite a bit. However, there was something off about the carpet this time and the closer she got to it, the sooner she realized that the burgundy carpet was stained heavily with blood that was streaked on the floor beside it. 

 She followed the trail until she reached the dining room where she saw herself. She was young, hunched over and crying, the bodies of her parents beneath her. She then saw men and women rushing in, pulling her younger self away from her parents and out the door. But before she was dragged out of sight, her younger self looked at her in the eye, anger and hate showing through those young eyes. She made an oath at that very moment, when the police dragged her from her home, bloody and crying, that she would find whoever killed her parents and make sure that she killed him, but not before making him suffer and entire lifetime.

 She then was transitioned into the moment when Bucky had his hand around her throat up at the cabin, when she had accidentally triggered his PTSD. She saw the cold and unfeeling look in his eyes before he came to, and she could still feel his cold metal hand in her throat. Unfortunately this roller coaster of memories did not end there. She was thrown into the flurry of emotions following Crys's  abduction and rescue before reaching that second within Cry's mind and memories. She saw Bucky standing there, holding her tight, telling her he loved her.

"Crys!?" Jay shouted, but in vain, as Crys couldn't hear a thing.

The last thing she remembered from that dream was struggling to get out of Bucky's grip earlier that day. When she had emerged from being Dove, and not being able to breath, as well as finding out that the person who was strangling her was none other than the man she loved. She heard what he told Dove and his words echoed in her head. She was afraid just as she had been the night her parents had been killed and she felt a wave of terror come over her and almost make her physically feel heavier.

 She slouched in her bed then dropped back down, still breathing heavily, a cool breeze making her shiver. She stared at the ceiling, completely devoid of any thoughts or emotions. Suddenly a warm and fluttering feeling rise inside of her and she shut her eyes slowly, sleep coming over her as a smile came to her lips. She thought of Bucky and what they would do with their lives and impossibly fantastical situations in which they were together.

 Meanwhile, in the hall, Charles dropped his hand from his temple and as he stared at the door he said quietly,

"It's done."

"Thank you." Bucky said.

 Charles looked up at Bucky and put his hand on his shoulder saying,

"She needs to know, you can't keep covering it up with fantasies."

"I know." Bucky said with a sigh, "I just want to keep her happy as long as I can."

"I know James," Charles said, watching him with pity. "She loves you and as long as you remain loving her, she won't hate you. Even if you hate her she will still love you."

"I know." Bucky said, "But what if I hate myself."

 Charles furrowed his brows and lowered his head saying,

"What if she hates herself."