i know i said i would never update this story again...but my good friend, after finding my account, demanded that i finally get my revenge on "Helen", a random name i pulled out of my butt one time in a shitpost chapter.
so i will be going all out
just this once...
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Author-kun sat in his bedroom on his bed, watching TikToks and sipping on a Pepsi from KFC. It was late at night and though winter break had just started as of yesterday, he was tired and ready to take his melatonin gummy and go to bed.
He was about to take one when he received a text message on his phone from a number he didn't recognize. The text message read, "It's been a long time, hasn't it?" Author-kun felt a ripple of anxiety go through his body. He opened the message and responded, "Who is this?"
"You don't remember me?" That reply didn't take long. "Probably not." He texted back. "It's Helen. From that one shitpost chapter." Author-kun was...confused. It had been weeks, months maybe since he last touched his Wattpad account. He probably would have remembered a Helen. He quickly went back through his most popular story, reading through his shitpost chapters when...he came to one titled "Yes...Yes. YES!!!" and the final sentence...was "fite me helen"...
"So you really want to fight, huh? What did I ever do to you?" Another message was sent. "Look, I didn't mean to call out any specific person named Helen, the name just popped into my head. And besides, that was well over 4 years ago. There's no way you'd still be offended for that long..."
"You have no idea the turmoil you've put me and my family through. Terror that someone would break in and harm us put us through some serious stuff, man. You and I are definitely gonna fight. Meet me at the park in an hour or you're dead." Author-kun had no idea what to say...he's a chubby, sensitive high schooler, going up against some possibly middle aged woman named Helen. Oh god.
He crawled out of bed and began putting on the same clothes he wears everyday, even though they're covered in Taki dust stains and smell like armpits. He fixed his hair and began to pace around the room, wondering how he would defeat Helen. He thought for a really long time, and suddenly...he had an idea.
About an hour later, Author-kun arrived at the park. It was dark and so cold, his breath was visible. It was a clear night with many stars dotting the sky. He walked over to the swing set and say down, taking deep breaths. Until he heard a voice behind him. "Well, well, well...look who it is. 'Tori-chan'." Author-kun's head snapped around at the mention of such a name. A middle aged woman with blonde, curly hair and a t-shirt that read 'Live, Laugh, Love' on it appeared from the shadows.
"Tch...that's not even my name anymore...Author-kun's the name now." He hopped off the swing, his hands in his pockets. "Whatever. Finally, I'll get my revenge on you, the writer who caused me and my family great suffering..." The woman formed a fireball in her hand and threw it at Author-kun. He simply stepped aside and took his hands from his pockets, shooting pink stars at Helen. Helen dodged the attack and ran at Author-kun with a fiery punch, landing a hit directly into his gut.
He skidded back into the swings, taking a second to recover before firing more pink stars at Helen. Helen took the hit quite well and ran at him again with another fire punch, only this time, she uppercut him right in the chin and he flew up into the sky and landed a good few feet away. Helen teleported in front of him and formed a large fireball in her hands. She held it over her head and slammed it down on Author-kun. But Author-kun had made a shield out of a star and he protected himself from the fireball. He got back up and began forming a ball of light in his hands. Helen was doing the same a few feet away. At the exact same time, Author-kun fired a pastel rainbow beam from his hands and Helen fired a fiery beam from hers.
The two beams collided, Helen and Author-kun fighting to overpower one another. Author-kun was getting tired, and Helen's beam overpowered his, blasting him even further back and leaving him weak and exhausted. He laid in the grass, covered in bruises and scratches with Helen towering over him, cackling like a witch. "Finally! I've beat you! Say goodbye, 'Author-kun'!" She began forming a gigantic fireball in her hands, holding it over her head.
Just as she was about to slam it down and finish the fight, Author-kun's body began to glow. He lifted off the ground, his body transforming. He grew Sylveon ears, a tail, and bows and ribbons. But best of all, he grew two large, beautiful angel wings. "No..." He muttered. "I've fought long and hard...I wrote this story when I was but a wee 13 year old with a dream to be famous...and I, Author-kun Ultra, will not let you destroy all that I've worked for!" Author-kun's hands began to glow, large stars forming around him in a circle. With the last of his energy, the stars and his hands fired bright, pastel rainbow beams at Helen. Helen screamed in agony, her final words being, "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, AUTHOR-KUN!" As she disintegrated into nothing...
Author-kun floated back down to the ground, turning back into his normal form. "...I'm truly sorry, Helen...I never meant for this to be your fate..."
Suddenly, a light shone bright in the sky and Author-kun was back in bed. It was daytime now, the sun shining through his window. He turned on his phone and checked the time. 9:43. He'd been dreaming this whole time. He sighed and hugged his teddy bear tight, mumbling to himself, "I really have to stop taking that melatonin, these dreams are getting too weird..."
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sorry lol
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