𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋//𝐆𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘𝐗𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

Apocalypse-Cigarettes After Sex

"Mind if I sit?" Minho asked, his tray in hand. It was another lunch in our bunker and I had taken my food to hole myself up in a corner.

"You sure you wanna sit with crazy?" I teased, watching as his face fell.

"Never mind." He shook his head, scoffing at himself. "This was an idiot shuck idea anyways."

"No, no, no." Scooting over, I patted the space beside me. "I was kidding. You have heard of a joke before, right? Come on Minho, I thought sarcasm was your thing."

"Yeah, well last time I'm ever being sincere." The boy grumbled, coming down next to me. Once he was settled in, he didn't do much talking. I stared at him, watching him eat his pudding cup. My chin in my hand as I observed him. He flicked his eyes over, staring right back. "What?"

"Why'd you come over here?"

"You want me to leave or something?" He regripped his platter, ready to whisk himself away. I halted him with a hand, keeping him grounded.

"Answer the question Minho." My voice was soft, welcoming him in. He hesitated before talking. This wasn't like him, usually words flowed out of him like a river.

"I just wanted to say sorry again." He struggled with the apology. Not because he didn't mean it, but because he didn't do this very often. Minho was never one for apologies. "I know that sometimes I can't stop myself from saying crap even when it's super harsh and bad and I'm sorry. I don't want you to be pissed at me anymore, I just want you to be happy and normal again. I'm sorry about killing Gally too." Minho had faced away from me, I imagined his face was something he had to hide away. "I didn't mean to. I thought it was gonna hit in the arm or leg or something. I'm sorry." His voice cracked, arms crossed tight around himself as he looked away from me.

I was astounded. Minho had never ever been so vulnerable in his life. It showed how sincere and how sorry he truly was. I doubt that he had ever gave half the apology to the boys that he gave to me. He must be really upset over what had happened, tortured even.

Leaning over, I carefully embraced him. Weaving my arms around his middle, settling the side of my head against his shoulder.

"I forgive you." I whispered. Minho stayed docile, loosening his facade as I hugged him. "Now eat your lunch."

___________________________

"Y/n I think I'm gonna do something crazy." Thomas laid himself next to me on my bed. It was almost time for dinner. The guard would be here any minute. "And I need to know that you have my back."

"What are you gonna do?" I asked, already fidgeting with possibilities. It had been a while since I'd caused mischief and I was aching for an opportunity.

"I'm gonna find Teresa. All we need to do is to get the guard that sits by the cafeteria door's ID card." He rambled, eyes wide with scheming. "Then after dinner we'll find her and see what's going on."

"Thomas?" I thought about Teresa and the dream. About how guilty I'd feel if she really meant what she said in it.

"Yeah?"

"I had a dream about Teresa." I mentioned, turning my head to meet his eyes. The pillow was soft beneath my head. "It was about all of us when we were younger."

"What happened?"

"Uh." I scrambled for something to replace the memory I had of Teresa and I kissing. "Mostly it was just Teresa and I hanging out together and we uh- we just had a great time together." Heat surfaced on my face. "But at the end of the dream she said something like, get me out of here and shit."

"She needs our help." Thomas nodded, hyping himself up.

"Oh Thomas," I pressed my hand on his chest, patting it. "Always the hero, aren't you?"

"I guess so y/n, I guess so."

"Hey." Chuck stood over us, a bloody shirt in hand. All the stains had dried to a reddish brown. "Y/n I just thought you'd want this." He passed the dirty fabric over to me.

"Woah," I grasped onto the cloth, running my fingers over it with care. "You murder someone Chuckie?" As disgusted as I should be, I wasn't.

"No, it's the shirt I was wearing when you got shot. That's your blood." He pointed at several big stains. "I dunno, I thought you'd think it was cool."

That blood was mine. Inside and rushing through my veins, a liquid crafted by the Gods. My blood had touched Gally's blood. We combined and that moment was forever intimate, forever our's. The whole experience felt spiritual.

"Thank you Chuck, it's perfect." My voice was low, probably barely audible for him to hear. I hugged the shirt to my chest, keeping the memory of Gally and I's last kiss, closing my eyes to envision how his lips felt on mine. I could almost feel him.

"Dinner!" A guard broke through my dissociative state, snapping me back. I stuffed the shirt in my pillowcase and rolled out of bed.

As I walked through the halls, Gally clouded my head. His scent, the way he'd touch me, the way he'd rumble out a low chuckle. The kind of laugh that sent shivers down my spine. Unbeknownst to me, I flipped the heart shaped locket around, volleying it through my fingers.

As sorrowful as it was, I was in love with a dead boy. Forever teenaged and preserved in youth. All for the price of life.

I wanted to kiss someone. Anyone. I wained for anything similar to the way he'd touch me. He was gentle sometimes and other times rough. I craved hearing breath hitch and feel it blow against the crevice of my neck. I wanted the touch that I fantasized over.

The kind that I would never get back.

"Y/n?" His voice echoed in my head. "Y/n?" What would his hand feel like slipped in mine? I lusted over his eyes, how they were a beautiful multicolored blue. I would never forget that. Even as his other features began to blur, becoming foggy in memory no matter how much I grasped for them. "Y/n, are you with us?" Newt dragged me back to cold reality, rubbed raw from truth.

"I miss him." Fell from my lips, only loud enough for Victor, seated next to me, to hear. He looked me over carefully, as if he'd find what was wrong with me on my body.

"What?" Newt asked, leaning across the cafeteria's table to hear me.

"Uh- I- Yeah, I'm here with you." I mumbled, wishing I could return to my wallowing. I'd spaced out the entire way to our table.

"Good." Newt smiled, unable to hide his affections. "You were lookin' all dazed there for a minute. Eat up." He motioned at my plate, food spilled over it's edges. Everyone else's was nearly empty.

I tried eating but the food felt heavy on my tongue, crowding my mouth. The spaghetti on my plate slithered around like fat worms. I'd never been so disgusted by the concept of eating in my life.

Victor nudged me with his elbow, his face showing off his growing concern. When I couldn't even give him a nonverbal reply, he scooted closer, giving my shoulder a quick kiss while the other's talked amongst themselves.

It was only when Janson came out all stiffly with his stupid little clipboard that a switch flipped in me. A primal defense seeded in me. The need to protect Chuck flared up. I'd do it at any cost.

No matter how expensive.