𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋//𝐆𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘𝐗𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

Puberty, do not recommend

I sprinted out into night, sky hazy with with dusk. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore (which wasn't very far). Collapsing into a pile, I rubbed any trace of tears from my face.

What the fuck had just happened? What the actual fuck?

I had lost my temper with Chuck and I felt so so guilty. The moment replayed in my head, torturing me. Why had I done it? Why?! A force knocked me out of my self loathing, jumping on top of me. I was pinned to the ground, the force was a furious Thomas.

"Y/n!" He pinned me down, digging his knees into my elbows. His eyebrows were scrunched together, nostrils flared. I had never seen him so upset. I couldn't blame him. If anyone had ever hit Chuck I would've done the exact same thing, maybe something worse. Snatching my chin in his hand, he shouted. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" He pressed the side of my face into the sand with a rough jostling force. Pain rolled onto my skin, suffocating me. "What the hell-"

"Fuck you!" Victor screeched, tackling Thomas off of me. As troubling as the moment was, I had to hold back a chuckle at his out of place voice crack.

The boys began to brawl, turning each other over in the spillage of sand. Just as one boy would gain the upper hand, the other would squirm his way out of it, repeating the cycle.

"She hit Chuck!"

"That doesn't mean you can hurt her!"

Victor was a lanky boy, bones and angles jutting out. He used them to his advantage, stabbing them into Thomas's sensitive flesh. Thomas had a little muscle on him, using it to push Victor around. It was a fair battle, but a useless one.

"Stop!" I ordered cursing myself at the headache I'd caused. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I groaned. "Just please fucking stop. Come on, this is stupid."

"Shuck idiots." Minho said breathlessly, him and Newt jumped in to pull them away from each other. Thomas came out of the fight with a hurt eye and Victor brought a bloody nose with him for souvenir.

"Best that you take care of this one." Newt shoved Victor onto the sand beside me. "Bloody fuckin' mess." He muttered, walking over to knock some sense into Thomas.

"Did I win?" Victor croaked, withering around on the ground.

"No." I crouched down beside him, pulling gently on his hair to tilt his head back. "But you didn't lose either." Swiping my finger above his lip, I did my best to smear the glistening blood  away. "Now why would you do a stupid thing like that?"

"He was on you, he could've hurt you more than he did. And, he started it!" Victor added immaturely, sitting up to my level.

"I started it." I said quietly, rubbing the blood on my fingers on his shirt. "I shouldn't have hit Chuck."

"Your cheek," Victor cupped the sore skin with his hand, grains of sharp sand stuck onto my face. He looked so sorrowful at me. "I'll kill him if you want me to."

"No need for murder, at least not yet, but thanks anyway."

"Okay then."

Thomas had already calmed down, sitting next to Newt. The boys idly chatted while Thomas shot me dirty looks. Minho came and joined us, reclining next to me in the sand.

"So when did you start hitting kids y/n?" He nudged me on my shoulder, playing around with me even though the situation was anything but funny. "Come on, why'd you do it?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes." Minho affirmed, letting the sand that dusted his palms fly off into the purple sky. "Why did you go all psycho?"

"Chuck tried to make a pass at me." I mumbled quietly, darting my eyes to the ground.

"What? I can't hear you, speak up." Minho leaned his ear toward me, like an old man hard of hearing. Sharply inhaling, I tried again.

"Chuck tried to make a pass at me." Enunciating loudly and clearly proved to help. Looking around, I saw everyone's eyes were glued on to me in quizzical shock.

"He's a baby." Victor blurted, a puzzled look framing his face.

"That's what I said, but he thinks he's madly in love with me or something." My eyes flew over to Chuck in the distance, rubbing away tears. Teresa walked by his side, providing him comfort.

"Shit." Minho cursed, shaking his head at the matter. "I didn't think he was gonna grow up this fast."

"Y/n, jeez." Thomas got up from his seat in the sugar like sand, fidgeting with his lips. "I'm sorry. I should've asked you what was wrong. That was a real idiot move I made. I'm sorry." His apologies drew him in front of me,. He hesitated first but then enveloped me in a hug. "I'm never gonna hurt you again. I swear."

"S'alright." His shirt muffled my voice. After pulling away, Thomas joined the circle we'd created.

"So what do we do?" Minho inquired, chin resting on his hand. "Chuck's gonna start getting boners every five seconds. How do we teach him not to be a Shuckface who makes passes on girls who are three years older then him."

"I dunno."

"Neuter him?" I offered, trying to take the serious edge off with a little humor. A few people chuckled at my reply.

"I'll talk to the little Shank." Newt raised his hand, a tired look weighing his face down. "I mean I gave you and Gally the talk so how hard can this be."

"You did horrible at that." Memories crawled back into my head, forcing themselves into my brain. "Like I wanted to bleach my eyes and ears after it."

"I did fine." Newt scowled, crossing his arms. "You were the one being immature about it. I'll do it, it'll be fine." With one last affirming expression, which gave me no comfort at all, he left the group. Boots sinking into the sand, Newt made his way over to Chuck, taking over for Teresa.

_______________________

We'd been kept separate for the remainder of our enduring walk. Chuck on one side of the group and me on the opposite. The sand was gone. Now replaced with dried bare earth, not a plant in sight.

The mountains had grown closer to us, their great expanse just out of reach. Cold moonlight wet my skin, making me bathe in it's silver gleam. Everyone had slipped into peace filled slumbers with ease, all except me.

The moment when I had hit Chuck replayed in my mind like a never ending loop. My open palm striking his skin, tears spilling from his eyes. Guilt, heavy and thick, burned in my chest and throat. It consumed me.

I was supposed to protect him. I was supposed to keep him from getting hurt. Although after tonight I wondered, how are you supposed to protect someone from yourself?

"Chuck." Spilled softly from my lips to his ear, so only he could hear me. "Chuck, are you awake?"

I peeked over his body, stretched onto his side, to glimpse his face. His eyes were open but they might as well have been closed. Pupils blown out, a clear glazed film coating them. Light from the moon gave sight to his cheeks, stained from tears.

"Chuck?"

Breaths filled his body, going steadily in and out. A glistening drop trailed from his eye, rolling across the bridge of his nose. The earth rejoiced in the moisture it received, browning it's soil.

His hair was soft and curly as always. My fingers twirled through his thick mop of hair like they did habitually. Blade twisting sharply in my heart, I placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry."