My Twin Flame

Chapter Twenty Two

I tried to sleep, but I kept tossing and turning the rest of the night. I couldn't help but to think about that kiss with Trent. What was I thinking. I can't let myself fall for him again. There is too much in my life, adding Trent back in would just blow up my world.

Lying there staring at the ceiling I think about that life that I am playing roulette with. I complain a lot about being too tired and Elliotts lack of help, but really I wouldn't change anything about it. I can't believe I am admitting this to myself but I wouldn't change anything about Elliott either. He gave me beautiful amazing children. Honestly he was there for me when Trent wasn't. Elliott knew he was dating and marrying a damaged woman. For a long time I think he had hope that I could grow to love him the way I did Trent. I didn't at the time realize that my downfall with Trent was based on a childish lie.

If it was different would I be happier in life? I try to imagine what it would be like and I just don't picture my life. He has no children, so I mean maybe he doesn't want kids and I wouldn't be a mom. I shudder at the thought. I couldn't not be a mom. I love being a mom. He claims that he was going to propose to me, but he isn't married now.

My phone goes off and breaks my train of thought. I was glad because I didn't need to think of any of these what ifs with him. I needed to stick with my plan and get through this trip and go home to my family. I roll over to the night stand and pick up my phone. Who could be texting me at this hour. Surely not Shelly on her wedding night. It could be dad, oh I hope something is not wrong with the kids. This time difference keeps messing me up.

When I open the screen I have a number I have never seen before. "Hope you don't mind, I got your number from Ed. I just wanted to say sweet dreams. I know I will be having them after that kiss tonight. " The text ended with a grinning smiley face. I toss my phone on the bed. "What have I done!" I bury my face in the pillow, well having an inner battle to respond to him. I decided not to and shut my phone off for the night. I am proud of myself, I do have this handled. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

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The room is decorated so wonderfully. Elliott looks handsome with his dopey smile. I wish I was as happy as him. I want to be happy, it's my wedding day. I walk down the aisle heading towards the rest of my life. I keep reminding myself I won't get a better man than him.

I look over at Shelly, the way she is looking at me I know she must have heard me crying in the bathroom. What bride cries on her wedding day. I will just tell her later that it was my hormones. I still can't help but avoid her eye contact, does she know that I tried to call Trent last night. That I secretly prayed he would come busting through that door to rescue me from this situation.

I stood on the altar half listening to the preacher. I am pretty sure you aren't supposed to be this disconnected on your wedding day. Elliott has to know in his heart that I don't, I can't love him this way. I have to teach myself to love him. This is the first day of my new life without Trent. He proved himself to me and I need to learn my lesson and leave that past behind me.

"Brooklyn honey." I can feel Shelly nudging me. "Oh yes, I do" Everyone in the church laughed. I smile nervously and hope my blank stare comes off as I am just so in love with Elliott I can't take my eyes off him. Then in a moment my heart sinks and hits the floor. The preacher speaks up "If anyone has any objections to this marriage speak now or forever hold your peace." The door of the church burst open like a hurricane wind. There stood Trent in a tux. Why is Trent dressed just like Elliott?

"BROOKE!" Trent is now walking toward me and Elliott yelling my name. He has tears running down his face. "BROOKE, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!"

"To you? You got another girl pregnant and proposed to her when you were supposed to be in love with me. I wasted almost four years of my life on you."

"It's a lie Brookie." Brookie, why did Trent call me that. I hate that name. Only Elliott calls me Brookie. I turn to face Elliott to apologize and he is no longer standing across from me. Trent is now standing in his place. Elliott is now racing down the aisle towards us. "You're a liar Brookie. Your whole life is a lie. You can't do this. You can't give this man my family. He left you and I was there and I earned your love." I look down and I have a swollen pregnant belly. "You're the liar Brooke." I look at Trent with tears in my eyes. "But you were supposed to be marrying Madison. She is having your baby. You don't have any room for me."

"It was all a lie Brookie. Don't give him my family, I earned you." Elliott just keeps pleading over and over again, tears streaming down his face.

"You're the liar Brooke." Trent is looking at me like I am the most horrible thing he has ever seen, with such hate in his eyes.

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I wake up suddenly in a cold sweat. This is exactly why I can not invite Trent back into my life. I have to be very careful the rest of this trip. I get up and go to the bathroom to splash water on my sweat covered face. I stare at myself in the mirror. I am sure the kiss mixed with Shelly's wedding has my head all messed up. As I continue to stare in the mirror I admit to myself my dream is true. "You are the liar Brooklyn. If you play with fire you will get burned."

I walked back into the room and flung myself onto the bed like a dramatic teenager. How did I fly across the ocean to end up in this situation? I tried to go back to bed and thoughts of Trent and Elliott just kept flashing through my mind. After about forty-five minutes of tossing and turning I gave up and decided to take a page from my dad's book and go for a jog. Maybe the solace will help clear my mind and set me straight.

I got into my favorite yoga pants, threw up my hair. I debated taking my phone but I thought it's better left behind. I opened the sliding glass door and started on my way. The cool early morning air felt good on my face. The sun had just begun to poke it's head out. It was still fairly dark outside. I couldn't tell you how fast I was running. I was quite surprised, as I have not ran in years. I don't know if it was the residual alcohol in my system or if it was the stress driving me, before I knew it I was covered in sweat.

I just continued to run. The harder I ran the harder it became for my mind shut off the montage of memories flooding my brain. The more it plays like a movie in my head the more I keep seeing Trent's face. I can't help but to be pissed. I have spent more than half my life loving this man I couldn't have. Now he is here right in front of me and for the sake of my family I still can't have him. The mess I have gotten myself into.

I could feel the hot tears leaving marks on my face where the chilled air was now hitting their trail. I can't help but hurt. I deserve love, I deserve to be happy. I have waited and pined for so long to be with Trent. Why did the universe have to do this to me now? I was just getting my life back together from my divorce from Elliott.

It didn't matter how much I told myself that I can't be messing around with Trent, my heart just wanted him more. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I stopped and leaned up against the palm tree to catch my breath. More tears streamed my face. I cried harder than I had in my entire life. I cried harder than I did when Madison played her trick on me. Back then I only thought I lost Trent for the rest of our lives. I still foolishly hoped in my heart there would be a time for us. It was more of a dream that I could fantasize about when I was unhappy with Elliott or lonely. Now, well now I know that he is gone forever. That I can never be with him. Not unless I want to hurt my family.

I sat for what felt like hours in the sand, crying and watching the sun come up. I was still no closer to figuring out my predicament with Trent. I would like to say that I was going to stick to avoiding him, I don't think I can though. I have never had strength when it came to him. He has always done something to my self control. I giggle to myself for a moment. My daughter tells me I am the biggest control freak of her life. Right now I have no control over anything. Especially the pieces my heart is broken into over and over.

The rumble in my stomach told me that I have sat here too long and needed to get something to eat. I decided to skip the food at the resort and walked to the town to get a bagel and a coffee. This way I would have less chance of seeing him. I head back to my room for a shower. I grab my tablet afterwards and decide to go sun by the pool and work on some emails.