Everything is perfect until the end sequal to Nothing stays perfect for long

40~Birthday

~6 months later-Joseph's birthday~

I woke up at 9am to my alarm beeping, I turned it off and rolled over to wake Dan up. He of course wasn't there. Today is going to be a lonely day.

I rolled out of bed like always and trudged to the kitchen. I poured some water into a cup. But then I saw the bottle of wine. I sighed as I tipped the water down the drain and poured the deep red liquid into the glass. I downed it and smiled as I poured another glass.

"Mummy." Elsie.

"Yes honey?" I asked, going down to her level.

"Can I have some breakfast please?"

"Of course. Would you like me to put the TV on for you too?"

"Yes please."

I ruffled her head and led her to the living room. I turned on the TV and went back into the kitchen where I made american style pancakes with smarties inside. I gave a plate to Elsie and helped her onto a chair. I brought through my own breakfast and heard Joseph.

"Are you okay in here for a little bit while mummy sorts Joe out?" I asked

Elsie nodded. I ruffled her hair again and kissed her forehead. I went into Phil's old room which had been converted into Joseph's room and picked him up.

"Happy Birthday little man." I greeted as his head went into the crook of my neck. "Still tired hey? Let's get you some breakfast."

I sat him in his highchair and got him a plate of pancakes.

"Happy birthday Joe." Elsie said when I gave him his food. He smiled at her and laughed as he picked up the pancake. I smiled and then the doorbell rang. I answered it and was engulfed in hugs before I even saw them.

"Guys guys I need air." I stated.

"Sorry Jess." Carrie.

"OH MY GOD CARRIE!" I shouted. I hugged her tight and then someone cleared their throat. I stepped back and looked at the people infront of me; Louise, Carrie, Joe, Caspar, PJ and Chris. I squealed when I saw them. I hadn't seen my friends since the accident. I still hadn't mentally recovered fully but here they were.

"Come in guys." I said, ushering them all inside. I led them to the living room where Joseph was still eating his pancakes and Elsie was playing with her barbies.

"Well done at looking after Joe Elsie." I congratulated her. "Do you want to pick a treat?"

"Yes please mummy." She said, jumping up and following me to the cupboard in the kitchen where we kept a woven basket of treats for good behaviour. I got the basket out and showed it to Elsie. She picked out a little plastic phone that opened up to reveal a small palette of lipstick, I put the basket back and she ran back into the living room. I picked up the glass of wine I had poured earlier and downed it. Then I walked back into the living room.

"Are you going to say hi to everyone Elsie?" I asked

"Sorry mummy." She said.

"Don't worry baby."

She walked up to Louise "hi Louise." She greeted.

"Hi Elsie." Louise said, smiling.

"Hi Carrie." Elsie greeted, a little unsure on Carrie's name. She looked at me and I nodded. She smiled at her small success.

"Hello Elsie." Carrie replied.

"Hi PJ." Elsie greeted.

"Hi Elsie." PJ said back, ruffling her hair.

"Hi Chris." Elsie said.

"Hello." Chris answered.

"Hi C-C Caspar." Elsie stuttered unsurely.

"Hi Els." Caspar laughed.

"Hello Joe." Elsie said confidently.

"Hi Elsie." Joe replied. At that he grabbed Elsie and tickled her. I smiled and picked Joseph up.

"Can I hold him?" Carrie asked.

"If you want." I chuckled. I handed him to her. "Will you guys be okay in here if I-"

"Yes." Everyone said together.

"Okay." I said. I waved and went into my room. Everyone was wearing casual clothes so I chucked on some ripped black skinny jeans and a plain black top of Dan's. I walked out of the room but then felt too cold so I went back into the room and grabbed Dan's university of Manchester hoodie.

When I walked into the living room Carrie was sat in the middle of the sofa with Louise next to her. Joe was on the spare chair and Caspar, PJ and Chris had pulled over dining room chairs. I sat next to Carrie and watched her playing with Joseph. He looked so much like Dan it was unreal. I felt tears threatening to escape and ran out of the room. I grabbed the wine bottle as I went and went into my room. I shut the door and collapsed on the bed. I snuggled my head into the pillow and sobbed as quietly as I could. Then I gulped down some wine and cried some more.

"Jess?" Louise.

I didn't answer. I heard the door open and Louise gasp. She took the wine from my clutch and put it on the floor. She shut the door and I cried into her shoulder when she hugged me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked

"He reminds me of Dan." I stated quietly.

"Who?"

"Joseph."

"Oh Jess."

"I just want him back. I would do anything. Why can't I have Dan back?"

"Because life sucks and the world isn't a wish granting factory."

"Did you just quote two depressing books?"

"Maybe."

I shook my head "But I would give anything to have Dan back, anything."

"Okay, so life is really crappy at the moment. Let's list all the good things though."

"I can't think of any."

"Right. Elsie, Joe, youtube, me, Carrie, Joe, Caspar, Peej, Chris, Tyler, Troye, Jamie, Nic, Sam, John, your mum, your dad, a roof over your head, money, food, clean water, a life. Do I need to continue?"

"No. But the thing is there is not one thing in that list I wouldn't trade for Dan. Nothing."

Louise sighed. "Carrie!" She called.

A few minutes later Carrie popped round the door.

"Oh my god Jess." She said, hugging me.

"That's it, we are going out, no kids, just friends." Louise stated.

"We can't." I stated.

"Why not?"

"It's Joe's birthday."

"And we have stuff prepared at the Sacconejoly's house for the kids so let's go."

I sighed as Carrie and Louise pulled me up. My friends are great, but Dan and Phil know me better.