I tip the tablets into my mouth and gulp them down. I watch Dan until my head starts spinning and I know it's working.
The last thing I hear is Carrie shouting. "HES WOKEN UP JESS! DAN IS FINE!"
"Sorry Dan." I whisper as my arms go limp and I feel my life slip away.
Dan's POV
Where am I?
Where's Jess?
How long have I been here?
JESS?!
Then I sit up with a jolt. I'm in a white room with black and white tiled floors.
"You're awake?" A doctor asks.
Well duh.
She goes out and I lay back onto the bed. All I remember was being in the car with Phil, Cat, Jim, Tanya, Zoe and Alfie going to lunch. I was driving. Then that car. I crashed into it. No it crashed into you. The screams. Who was screaming? Everyone.
Then Carrie and Chris run through the door. Tears streaming down their cheeks.
"Guys? Where's Jess?" I ask, my throat croaking.
"She committed suicide 5 minutes ago Dan." Carrie states, the tears rolling faster. Then I start crying.
"Suicide. She is dead?" I ask. Carrie nods.
"She left this for you." Chris tells me, handing me a piece of paper. I unfold it and read it.
Dear Dan,
Dan. I can't even begin to write my feelings right now but I will try. I love you and I'm sorry. If you ever wake up to read this I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you but I didn't want to be left. Words can't describe my feelings right now. You know me better than anyone and yeah. I'm sorry okay. I'm fucking sorry. Oh my God I can't.
You were my soul mate Dan, you were my forever. Even though I'm gone I want you to find love again. Don't be alone, you should never be alone. Just make sure she (or he) deserves you. Make sure you don't jump into anything and be happy. 'Do whatever you have to do to be happy.' People think they can help but you are the only one able to do that and you are gone. I'm sorry but I feel like there is no other choice. I'm wearing your clothes as I write this. I hope you don't mind. I just need some of you with me. I love you Dan. I'm sorry danosaur.
Rawr. See you later.
Jess xx
I cry into my hands as I read it.
"She's gone. She's really gone." I state.
~10 months later~
It's Jess' funeral today. No-one died in that crash, no-one lost their memories or had any long term problems. Everyone woke up within a few months of me. Zoe and Alfie are the only ones still in hospital. Though that is only because they need to make sure they rest enough. I'm sat at the front with the rest of the family. Jim had hugged me when I came in and so did Tanya. I had dropped Joe off at a daycare centre and was going to make Elsie go there but she refused, wanting to say bye to her mum. She is just as stubborn as Jess was.
I still do youtube, though I'm still mourning so I don't do live shows much or make many videos. We are all fine. We will always remember Jess. That wonderful woman, the light of my world.
I loved Jess so much. She meant so much to me and I just wish she had held on for those extra few minutes. Not a day goes by where I don't miss her or think about her. Sometimes I swear I hear her open the door to the flat or come into the living room, singing to herself. I miss her hair, her eyes, her voice, her hugs, her kisses, how she used to moan that I never got up early enough but an hour later we would be cuddled up on the couch watching Harry Potter or Anime or Once Upon A Time. I missed her, everything about her. Sometimes I still think this is all a nightmare. Of course it isn't I just wish it was. I have more existential crises than I used to and sometimes I just feel like giving up but I can't turn to the extent she did. I guess I have more support than her. More than she had. More reasons to live.
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She was Jess Chapman. And one day at a youtube convention a boy named Dan Howell fell in love with her. Then her life changed forever.
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A/N so it's the end I'm still crying writing this. It has been great. Thanks for joining me on this emotional roller coaster. Can't believe it's over tbh.
I want to say thank you to youtube_lover312 Hogwartsgirlxx and bayntonandhiddles for giving me ideas for names and support during this fanfiction.
Ly all. See you later guys :)
YOU ARE READING
Everything is perfect until the end sequal to Nothing stays perfect for long
FanfictionWARNING: INCLUDES SOME THINGS THAT MIGHT BE TRIGGERS. INCLUDES REFERENCES TO SELF-HARM, SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION. ALSO INCLUDES SOME SWEARING. Sequel to nothing stays perfect for long. Read that before this :)
