Everything is perfect until the end sequal to Nothing stays perfect for long

43~Sorry

I lift up the pen and start writing:

Dear jokers,

I'm sorry to leave you guys. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how depressed I was. I'm just sorry about everything. I just couldn't live with it anymore. I also want to say sorry to whoever has to read this but I do want you to. I love you guys and just remember never to bottle things up like I have. Never get this desperate. Thanks for always being there and yeah. Bye guys.
Lots of love
Jess Howell xx

Then I start on another piece of paper.

Dear whoever finds me,

I guess it will be either Carrie or Chris who find me. I want to say sorry that you had to see this and you tried you really did. My camera is set up so if you could I would like it very much if you could read out the letter addressed to my viewers (jokers). Thanks ily.
Love
Jess xx

I'm crying now, but I need to carry on.

Dear friends,

This is for ALL my friends. Every single one.
I'm sorry for wimping out on you guys. I'm sorry that I had to do this. You all tried and it would have worked on any normal person. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop seeing them. I love you all so much and yeah. See y'all in hell bitches.
Ly guys. Don't change for anyone.
Love
Jess xx

The tears are threatening to ruin the note but I carry on, wiping tears away.

Dear Elsie,

Hi honey. You are so brave and beautiful. Mummy loves you so much and she wished she didn't have to leave you. Look after Joe and make sure that neither of you forget me, just remember that Daddy and I are on youtube (Jessisprobablyjoking for me and danisnotonfire for daddy). Now I don't know who will take you in when I'm gone but I hope it will be someone you know. I'm sorry baby I truly am. I love you to the moon and back.
Lots of love
Mum xx

I feel like I just want to do it now but I have 2 more to do.

Dear Joseph/Joe,

Hey little man. I love you so much. I guess you don't remember your Mum. You were only a year old. Hope your sister is taking care of you and if she isn't tell her off for me. I wanted to be able to be there through all your milestones honestly but life got in the way. I hope that whoever you are with are nice and bring you up to love youtube. Just remember that if you ever miss me or Dad then put in youtube jessisprobablyjoking to see me and danisnotonfire to see your dad. We will always be there. Honest. I love you Joe.
Lots of love
Mum xx

Then I pick up the last piece of paper and start to write.

Dear Dan,

I can't. I have to.

Dan. I can't even begin to write my feelings right now but I will try. I love you and I'm sorry. If you ever wake up to read this I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you but I didn't want to be left. Words can't describe my feelings right now. You know me better than anyone and yeah. I'm sorry okay. I'm fucking sorry. Oh my God I can't.
You were my soul mate Dan, you were my forever. Even though I'm gone I want you to find love again. Don't be alone, you should never be alone. Just make sure she (or he) deserves you. Make sure you don't jump into anything and be happy. 'Do whatever you have to do to be happy.' People think they can help but you are the only one able to do that and you are gone. I'm sorry but I feel like there is no other choice. I'm wearing your clothes as I write this. I hope you don't mind. I just need some of you with me. I love you Dan. I'm sorry danosaur.
Rawr. See you later.
Jess xx

I grab my phone and open Tumblr. I go on a mass follow spree. Then I do the same on Twitter. I unprivate all my private videos on YouTube and then I pour the tablets into my hand.

Bye guys. Ly. Sorry.

I Tweet it and put my favourite Danisnotonfire video on (Dan the dinosaur) and hold my favourite picture of him (A/N picture thing). I cry as I pick the glass of ribina up, tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.

"Bye guys" I whisper.