Hinahanap - Hanap Ko Siya

Chapter 27

Flashback TVOP S2 Finale After Party:

Jason Dy from Team Sarah won the prestigious competition.

At last, after all the months of stressing, it has come to an end, finally. It wasn't like they didn't loved the show, because of course, they did. It was just that, they have all been under pressure for most part of this second season. So now that it ended, they can all relax, now. Happy to have crowned the newest winner of The Voice - Jason Dy.

Everyone was in high spirits, congratulatories to Coach Sarah was never ending and Sarah felt overwhelmed with gratitude to everyone who supported her and her artist all through out the journey. She was mighty thankful to lock her broken heart behind closed doors for a while. At least even for just one evening, and join in the festivities around her.

Bamboo however was still full of hurt and he hated feeling defenseless. On one hand, he was sad to leave Sarah but on the other hand, he was looking forward to it so he could forget his pain. He could finally forget her. After TVOP S2, he would be out of the country for most part of summer, for a series of shows out there. He was looking forward to getting busy untll he got absolutely no time to spare and think about her.

Earlier that evening, while on comercial break, Bamboo saw a chance to approach Sarah. After a few weeks of not talking to each other, he finally broke the barrier, just to tell her one last time, all the hurt he was feeling, to somehow relase the tension between them, and hopefully, be able to find a way to move on.

She was a gorgeous sight in her evening gown that sparkled all the way to her feet. She has always been beautiful to him. And he loved everything about her, even as he was about to give her up.

"Serah", he called her name softly.

She turned around and stared at him in surprise. He felt like everyone around them vanished and that theworld has stopped.

He suddenly recalled all that they had shared. From the first time she was introduced to him on a rehearsal, to their first collab in Asap, the time he went into her dressing room to say goodbye when she was leaving Asap, his guesting in her solo show, the many rehearsals that gave them the opportunity to get to know each other and a time to bond, her birthday concert, the time they got caught up in the rain that lead him to lent his whit t - shirt to her, when she was welcomed back in Asap, the dinner when they were offered The Voice, those times when he would bite her arms, those times they shared food, the way they would only share one large fries from Jollibee and they would brush their teeth together, the coffee breaks, their teasing that would turn into tickling sessions, the many iconic songs they covered, their "selosan moments" in TVOP, and of course, that one night they became one.

He felt threatened by the hot sensation behind his eyelids, and he srruggled to keep his emotions in check.

He cleared his throat and advanced a step towards her. Looking at everyting else around them, but at her. When he was directly in front of her, he inhaled and exhaled exageratedly, as if trying to release tension. Then he finally looked at her. He cleared his throat once more.

"Serah, whatever the outcome may be", he began, "I'd just like to tell you that I'm proud of you. And that I believe in you. I always have. Congratulations in advance."

"Tha.... Thank you....", Sarah stammered. She looked nervous. As if she'd snap any minute soon.

"I.... I will not be able to attend the after party anymore", he said and he looked down, "I don't think I should."

He looked up suddenly and fixed his eyes on the ceiling. He sighed.

"I'm still, hurting, that is", he admitted. "I.... I know you're hurting, too, Serah, and that's the least that I want you to feel, be.... Becaus of.... Me", he took a deep breath. "I just want to say that...."

"Ba.... Bamboo", Sarah interrupted, but he cut her off immediately.

"No", he saisoftly, "you don't need to say anything. I, I just need to let this out.... I just want to clear things between us. Before.... Before I go."

Sarah frowned. "What do you mean? Aalis ka?"

"No, not permanently, no", he confirmed, "but I'll be out of the country for a few months and.... When I come back by that time of TVOK S2, I, I hoped that we'll both have moved on by then", he saw her inhaled sharply.

"That's why, I wanted to say sorry, first of all", he continued. "Sorry for, for not being the man you expected me to be. I'm really, really sorry. Cause, I.... I know, I should've fought harder. Should be able to wait longer, but.... Truth is, I.... I can't. I just can't. And I know, it's disappointing, but sometimes, you can never really tell when fate would make you give up. And.... Tonight, I, I guess what I'm trying to say is.... I'm giving you up. It's not that you are not worth fighting for, or waiting for, but.... The problem is me. Hell, I know that sounds clichè, but it's true. I admit defeat. I cannot fight anymore. And it's not your fault. I'm just tired. Right now, no matter how much I care for you, all I just want to do is  forget you. Forget us. If there was even an "us". Serah....", he sighed, "for what it's worth, I still love you. I'll admit I don't know for how long, but when I tell you I do, please believe me. Cause I will never tell you anything I don't mean."

He saw her tears coming. He could feel his own starting to well up in the brim of his eyes.

Sarah sniffed a couple of times and he could see she was trying to be strong, to be brave.

"Bamboo", her voice was hoarse. "Naiintindihan ko. Kung hindi mo na kaya, ok lang. Di kita pipiliting maghintay. Alam kong nasasaktan din naman kita, eh. Alam kong di lang ako ang nahihirapan", she wiped her tears before continuing, "never akong naging makasarili, Bamboo, lalong lalo na sa mga taong mahal ko, so ba't ko sisimulan maging sakim ngayun, diba? Higit sa lahat sayo pa. Kaya hahayaan kita. Kung gusto mong magpakalayo sakin, gawin mo. Wala kang aasahang sumbat mula sakin. Kase naiintindihan ko mga rason mo. Alam kong masakit at mahirap sayo magdesisyon nyan. Sana, kaya kong ibigay ang hinihingi mong oras, panahon at atensyon ko ng agad - agad, pero di rin iyun kadali kase sakin, alam mong di ko rin kayang makasagasa ng iba para lang sa sarili kong kaligayahan, dahil.... Syempre kaligayahan ko ang makapiling ka", and then she paused and gave a sad smile, "Siguro nga di natin panahon ito. Kase, naging malaya ka man, ako naman ang hindi. Alam ni Lord kung gaano kita mahal at kung gaano ako nangarap na mapasa akin ka, pero parang sadya yatang hindi talaga puwede, eh", she laughed without humor.

That was right before Bamboo's performance with Rence. [A/N: Please see Chapter 1]. Litte did he know that Sarah was watching from the monitor backstage and she was fully aware that Bamboo was refering to her on the song.

She recalled their conversation while she was about to sing on stage at the after party of TVOP S2. They were at a resto bar in RW to celebrate. All the teams were present, from coaches to artists. The staff and crew of the show were also present, as well as the hosts. Everyone was there, except for Bamboo, as Sarah expected.

It was already way after midnight and the party had somehow cooled down a bit. She took her place behind the mic and began singing.

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

When Sarah exited the bar, the sun was already rising. She watched the sunrise from a distance, for a while. It was a beautiful morning. Her artist won the competition. The after party was a lot of fun. She should be happy. And of course she was grateful. But somehow, there seemed to be something missing. She felt hollow inside. But as she watched the sunrise for a few more minutes, she was certain that everything will be alright, someday. Everything has a purpose. And everything will fall into place in it's right time. If it's meant to be or not.