The Way I Love You

4

Y/N POV:

I sit through the rest of my classes. I'm glad it's subjects I like, not that I'm paying attention. I know what they're teaching. I have always been good at school, lately I've been slacking, but I know I need to pick it up again...and I am going to. The thing is I had very little to do when I was a kid, my dad worked three jobs, my brother was with his friends or at practice. I was alone most of the time, so I read and did my work, so my dad could be proud, and not feel guilty for never being around.

I stand outside of the office. Mentally preparing to walk in. I always am so nervous around people, but especially Ms. Maximoff, she's a wonder, she really is. And the fact that she would take time out of her presumably busy life to help me out, well it just proves it further.

Okay, I should probably walk in. I've been standing here for 5 minutes already. Just a few more seconds.

1

2

3

4

5

I take the handle carefully opening the door with a light knock. I don't wait for her to tell me to come in, mostly because the blinds were down, and I don't have the nerves to knock and wait. Plus she knows I'm coming, she told me too, so I'm going to assume it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

I'm immediately met with her stunning green eyes, oh god, her eyes are perfect. I always thought so. But every time I meet them, I'm surprised by how much they hold. They're truly captivating. I can see a smile on her lips, it's careful. Restrained. "Hi, there you are. I was beginning to wonder if you forgot." A light chuckle. She's joking...I think.

"Yes, sorry I-...umm I got held up." Help up in my own mind.

"It's okay, don't worry. Let's just get started." She gestures to a chair in front of her, and I take the que to sit down. I close the door behind me and join her.

"So what do you find the hardest about the subject we are working on? Or what do you know about our current topic?"

Those are such broad questions. I don't even know what we're working on if I'm being completely honest, "everything." I laugh a little, more of how awkward I am.

She giggles a little at my response, "okay...well let's start from the beginning then."

We work for a few hours. Gosh a few hours. She is really nice for doing this. I mean I don't understand much more than I already did. I'm having trouble concentrating. My mind isn't working it seems like, it doesn't help that I keep getting lost in her scent. It's so nice. Comforting. Every time I get a hint of it, I'm transported to a good place. A place where things seem to be okay.

It's actually been nice though. Ms. Maximoff is a really nice person. I mean I'm not a person who makes friends easy, because I don't really know how to talk to people. I'm always petrified they won't like me. I know she's my teacher, but that doesn't mean she has to be kind to me, not this kind at least.

Wait not to say she's my friend either, that wouldn't be right. I don't think we're friends...maybe she's really just pitying me. What if she doesn't care. Why should I trust her? Maybe she's just doing this because it's the right thing. If it's kindness it can't be selfless right. It makes her feel good to help me, which makes it selfish. That's why no kind act is selfless unless it's caring. If it makes her feel good to help out a student is that a bad thing though?

It doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean I get help, and she gets to feel like a good person. She doesn't need it though, she seems like a nice person even without the kindness acts. Or maybe the nice things she does is what makes us believe she's good. No that can't be it because I don't know what other nice things she's done. I only know she helped me now, and I believed she was good from before. But are any of these things even connected? I mean everything is connected but is any of these things connect in our perception of things? Goodness, kindness, caring, being nice. None of them are really the sa-

"Where did you just go?" She's staring at me in thought. Why is she staring at me? What is she thinking? Hold on...what did she ask?

"W-What? I'm sorry what did you just say?"

Laughing a little she says, "I asked where did you just go? Where did that beautiful mind of yours take you just now?" Her look is soft, like she genuinely is wondering what I was thinking.

"Oh nowhere really. I was here I promise."

"That can't be true, you looked like you were a million miles away."

"No I was right here, just thinking about words I guess?"

"Words?"

"Yeah...words are weird. There are so many, and we know them, and we explain them through more words. Like how does so many similar words mean so many different things. Everyone looks at the words and are like yeah those are synonyms, but are they really?" I look at her a bit scared. She must think I'm insane or something. Who just sits and thinks about these things? Crazy people...and me...maybe I am insane. Oh no...what if I'm actually crazy. No, I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not-

"Which words were you thinking specifically?"

"Caring, kindness, begin nice, being good. They all mean different things, you can't really put them under the same category."

"I agree. They don't mean the same thing. But they still belong in the same category."

"How?"

"They're all words." I roll my eyes and laugh at her very poor joke. I'm not even sure it can be classified as a joke.

"Oh so you can smile." I feel my cheeks blush as her gaze rests on my grinning mouth. It slowly falls away.

"Shut up." I say trying to wave her off.

"No don't stop, I like your smile."

I shyly grin at the floor. I don't know what to say to that. Should I thank her? I probably should, shouldn't I? I could always just say nothing. That is an option. Oh, wait maybe I should compliment her back, if it even was a compliment. I mean of course it was. But if I do that now it might just seem ingenuine...but if I mean what I say it isn't, "I like your eyes."

"What? Why?" She giggles, it was very sweet. It was almost as she was confused though. I mean she must know that she's beautiful right.

"They're winsome."

"You think they're innocent."

"Hmmm no, your look is innocent, your eyes aren't. Plus, technically I was saying they're attractive in an innocent way. You know a careful compliment."

"Interesting. Well, you're certainly right. Words are weird."

We continue the conversation about words. It's nice. I feel like I'm letting so much of my brain go. I always have so many words, but I can never use them.

"How are you feeling?" She asks after a while. And I do feel better, better than I have in a while. Maybe better than ever. Talking to her and getting help feels like a bit of hope has shown through to me still I feel, "Slipfast."

"Wait hang on, I know this one. Slipfast, adjective, longing to disappear completely...

"Melt into a crowd and become invisible, so you can take in the world without having to take part of it – free to wander through conversations without ever leaving footprints, free to dive deep into things without worrying about making a splash." We say together in harmony.

"Slip, to move or fly away in secret, plus fast, fortified against attack." I smile as she continued.

"I have never met anyone who has read the dictionary of obscure sorrows before." I look down at my hands as I tell her.

"Me neither. I was beginning to think I was the only one." This is nice.