The Angel Princess (Hazbin Hotel Swap Au)

the news cast

Third person pov

A car rolled down the streets of hell, running over a couple of poor saps as it did so. The car came to a complete stop and out stepped none other than previous king of hell and now famous porn star Lucifer.

"Thanks for the good time baby cakes" the driver said as Lucifer fixed his hair.

"Whatever, just keep this to yourself alright" he leaned forward, speaking in a hushed whisper "I just reunited with my daughter a few weeks ago. She'll never respect me if she knows I'm giving it away for free rides"

"Whatever you say slut!" The driver laughed.

"Ouch my poor feelings. Let me know when you come up with something original you pathetic sack of horse shit" the driver trembled under the former kings wrath. With Lucifers profession it's sometimes hard to remember that he's the most powerful being in hell.

He smirked as the driver silently drove away. There's something so satisfying about making assholes shit themselves. His silent gloating was cut short by a phone call from an old friend.

"Hello" he picked up.

"Hey luci baby. You up for a little fun?"

Vaggies pov

I tapped my foot as I read over my talking point. At any moment Katie and tom will wrap up their segment and I'll pitch my hotel to every resident of hell. No pressure.

"You ok baby?" I turned around to see my girlfriend Charlie.

"Yes!" I gave her my biggest smile "I wrote down all my talking point and memorized everything. Take a look"

"She read over it with a smile "you sure are organised hun. I probably would have just highlighted everything"

"Oh fuck, why didn't I think of that" I slapped the side of my head. Admittedly I was super nervous. This was too important to me to mess up.

"Vaggie" she took me by the shoulders "if you start to blank out just look at me and I'll mouth the word to you"

"I'll be fine Charlie" I shook my head fondly "I just gotta get up there and give them some phzas! Oh what if I-"

"Do not sing" Charlie said firmly.

"You knew I was going to say that" I giggled.

"That's because I know you" she booped my nose "now you know I love your singing but these guys won't react to it the same. You're best to just stick to the facts"

"You're right" I smiled at her. Charlie's had my back since day one. She's the best girlfriend a princess could ask for "I guess I better get out there"

"You're going to do great honey" she kissed my cheek as I made my way up to the news reporter.

"Hi I'm vaggie" I held my hand out politely.

"Katie killjoy" she said dryly "oh and you can put that away. I don't touch the gays"

"Oh I see" I put my hand away, trying to ignore her blatant homophobia.

"Don't even think about getting cute with me girly. The only reason you're here is because dave couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking show" she gestured over to the poster "so this story better be good or so help me-"

"And we're live!"

"Welcome back" she moved to her seat so fast her neck snapped "now I have here the adorable princess of hell. Now tell me vaggie what is this project of yours that you've been bugging our station for months about?"

"Umm" all eyes were on me and it was terrifying but Charlie's reassuring smile was all it took to bring back my confidence "today we faced another extermination and it breaks my heart to see my people suffer like this. They're not even given a chance!" I slammed my hand down, startling the news reporters "so I've been thinking, is there a more humane way to deal with overpopulation here in hell? Perhaps by means of redemption? Well I think yes! And that's what this project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen I present to you a hotel that rehabilitates sinners!"

The room went silent. I could hear hushed mocking from the sinners which Charlie quickly silenced. Well being professional didn't work. Time to go with plan B!

"Clearly I'm not getting through to you all. Let me try a different way" I stood up on the table.

"Oh no" Charlie muttered.

A spotlight landed on me as I began "I have a dream, I'm here to tell. About a wonderful fantastic new hotel. Yes it's one of a kind, right here in hell, brings a ring to a specific clientele"

The sinners were hanging on to every word I said. I smirked, time to kick it up a knoch!

"Inside of every demon is a rainbow, inside every sinner is a shining star. Inside of every creepy axe welding maniac in a jolly cupcake loving child. We can turn around, we'll be heaven bound! With just a little time at the happy hotel"

And so I continued with my song, making sure to give an awesome finish just like daddy taught me. At the end I was breathless but at least it worked.

Right?