Love is Everything to Me (Hyunlix Oneshots)

Puzzle Pieces (Part 1)

TW: MAJOR AND GRAPHIC SELF HARM, GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF BLOOD, HEAVY ANGST.
Please do not read if these topics make you uncomfortable.

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I had my arms wrapped tightly around him.

I had myself sunk deep inside him.

I had my lips locked on his spine, grazing with my teeth.

I had my hand around his pretty little throat as I forced moans from his lips with my thrusts into him.

But I don't.

Not anymore.

Not when he's with him now.

Not since he broke his promise and left me on my own to "give us both better."

It was just a dream, like they always are now.

I can still remember what he smelled like though.

Strawberries and warmth. Perplexing, yes. How does one smell like warmth? But he did, he always did.

I can still remember the consistency of his skin, milky and soft, tasty and hot. That skin drove me crazy. I remember how the crook of his neck felt every time I licked it, or bit it, or rested my face in it.

I can still remember what his insides felt like around me. How we fit together perfectly like a puzzle, like our bodies were made for each other.

"Perfectly and specifically crafted just for each other. Forever," he used to say.

Seems like he found another "forever" to complete his puzzle now. How silly promises seem once they're broken.

I can remember every detail of his being, the smallest freckle littering his face to the way his little chest rose and lowered prettily when he slept.

But my favorite, the things that continue to haunt me every minute of every day that I don't feel them anymore, were his touches.

How he'd brush his tiny fingers over my abdomen lightly, almost like they weren't there at all. How he'd lock his nails into my biceps as he threw his head back in a moan.

How he'd take my hand slyly when we were with the group, letting me know he's with me without saying a word. How he'd brush his lips against mine teasingly, sexily when we found ourselves alone in a spare moment, reminding me of all the things we could do when no one was watching.

What I'd give for one more touch.

It's wrong. I know it is. I should hate the little blonde boy for leaving me. For betraying me.

I should blame him for breaking every promise he ever made to me and leaving me alone.

I should forget him for finding somebody he found more satisfactory than me.

But I can't do any of that.

Not that I haven't tried, because I have. More times than I can count. But I'm wholly and completely incapable of parting from him, from the idea, the memories of him.

I get sick when I try it. I physically start to hurt when I think about the possibility of moving on.

Because I still love him. I still love him after all this time, all this heartbreak, and I can't pull myself out. I can't. Otherwise I would.

But would I really? Would I really want to stop feeling this way about such a beautiful soul, who deserves every single ounce of love in the world?

Would I really want to hate he whom I loved for so long? Would I really want to have wasted this much time just to end up back where I started?

I want the answer to be yes, but inside I know it's no. Inside I know that I will never allow myself to let him go. He's too precious, even still, to leave behind.