Love is Everything to Me (Hyunlix Oneshots)

So Full of Sunshine

Happiness sometimes isn't what you expect it to be. When you're little, you expect it to be a big house with a big family and a spouse who loves you. You expect it to be money and a nice car and a solid job.

You never really expect it to be a single person.

A single moment.

In which you realize that just looking at him makes your heart burst and your chest constrict and your mouth curve upward in pure joy.

You never expect him to be so contradictory either. In the same moment he can make your heart soar in joy and crumble in despair, because how could anyone be so beautiful and so full of light? At once he can make you want to fly to the moon and stay grounded in the same place, want to be stuck in one perpetual moment because you wouldn't dare try to leave, out of fear that you'd never get him back.

He can make you want more, more, more, until you can't even fathom how little you have, and at the same time you feel completely fulfilled just by knowing that he's happy. Just by knowing he exists.

Just by knowing he exists you feel as though  existence is pointless because how could you ever measure up to what seems to just come naturally to him? How easy it is for him to laugh. How melodious the sound is. How astronomically large his heart is for such a small body. But then again, he doesn't require anything of you, and so existence is so simple.

You believe that you could never be as pretty as him. Never could you be so masculine and yet so beautiful at the same time as he is. And combined with his soul, it provides him with the most ethereal, addicting beauty you have ever seen. But then, he catches you staring and grins back at you, and you've never felt more handsome. You've never felt more worshipped and loved and wanted as when he smiles in your direction, when he squeezes your shoulder or wraps his arm around your waist in a hug.

You don't realize how much happiness can actually exist inside a single person until this one moment. You don't realize how just witnessing it can shed you of every burden you have ever felt on your shoulders. It can blow away every gray cloud in your head and leave you to just bask in his light.

Because he practically exudes it. His face glows, his body hums with energy, with love, with fulfillment, and you're stuck standing dumbly off to the side, awestruck by the sight. It's almost as if you are perpetually witnessing the birth of a star.

The hope that washes over you when you see him like this, the hope to ever be that happy, the hope that someday, he will look at you like that and it will be because of something you did, it's both debilitating and inspiring, the task so close at hand yet so far. And then you think again, how can a person like this exist?

For an instant, you ponder if he's even real, because how could somebody like this actually be standing in front of you? Until you remember every moment you've ever shared together, the feelings he's given you, and you realize this has always been here, in some form, and you just haven't realized it until now.

You realize you've always felt this way about him, you realize there was never any other option for you, really, because you were a goner the moment you met him, and you were just oblivious until now.

And then the moment ends, but you don't move on, because your life has just been changed so absolutely, so definitively, that you doubt you will ever move on. You doubt if your mind will ever leave that stage on which you discovered your heart and the reason for its beating.

Really, there's not even a doubt, because you won't, but to save yourself the embarrassment of being so completely infatuated, you tell yourself a little white lie to make it feel better.