the notes [m.c.]

two- eh, i'll write back

holy shit. holy. shit.

what do I say? did he actually say that?shit. I have to say something.

"Michael-" I said, being the only thing I can get out of my mouth considering the shock I was in.

"No. Devon, just, just stop for a second. let me talk. let me...let me explain-" Michael managed to get out, while stuttering.

he gets cut off by someone grabbing his shoulder and turning him around quickly. I didn't get to see who, but I didn't need to. I knew the voice right when it basically screamed, "the fuck, Michael!? you tryin' get my girl?"

ashton. damn it. I need to talk to michael.

"um, hi ashton..." I said looking down.
he knows I'm mad at him. what the hell is he doing back here.

"devon, im sorry. I didn't want to leave on a bad vibe between us. I'll stay here if that's what you want. I just can't have you mad at me." Ashton said while taking my chin between his thumb and index finger. but, not after he had pushed Michael out of the way.

"ashton. Im tired of this constant back and forth. you're either with me, on your phone, or you're gone without a trace. ash, it's just so frustrating. it's a constant headache. I just feel like, I don't know, it feels like you don't even care about how I feel. but when you see me get physically angry, you just have to patch things up. like you see you're about lose grip of me and you get scared. I don't want you to be scared. I just want you to actually be here. with me. where do you go anyway? you know what, it doesn't even matter. you aren't with me." I babbled. I realized I had basically lectured my feelings, but I just needed him to know.

Ashton stood there looking stunned. so did Michael. I didn't mean to scare them. I should've just kept my feelings inside.

I can't handle them staring. I can't. oh God. I'm gunna cry. shit.

I don't know what to do...I gotta leave. I gotta go.

I looked back and forth between both of them and tried to say something, but nothing was coming out.

I let go of Ashton's grip and ran. Michael called my name, but Ashton said nothing. just like I thought he would.

i turned back and saw ashton grab Michael by the arm to hold him back from coming after me.

I went up to the booth where we were sitting and grabbed my bag off the table. I had totally forgotten about Luke and Calum because of everything happening.

"Devon! finally! where's the pizza? what's going on-" Calum said happily at first, then concerned.

"I... i gotta go guys. I just... I gotta go," i manage to say as I start walking out the door of the restaurant.

-

after getting into my car, i blasted Lana Del Rey. it was the only way to get everything off my head. being my favorite song on Ultraviolence, I played "Sad Girl" on repeat.

I drove around town for a while, then figured I should go to the library. quiet, no one would bother me, and I could read. perfect.

I parked and got out, slowly walking towards the door.

I thought I saw someone watching me, hiding in the trees that were planted near the library entrance.

I shrugged it off, probably just my imagination.

I walked in and was greeted by this older lady sitting behind the front desk.

"hi, darlin'. looking for anything specific?" she said sweetly.

yeah. an escape from my shitty boyfriend and best friend, who apparently is in love with me.

"um...no. just some quiet and a place to be alone." I said with a smile. she smiled back, then went back to reading whatever was on her desk.

I walked to the back of the adult section and found an empty, and very dusty, desk.

I put my stuff down and started browsing the rows and rows of books for something to read. with nothing standing out, I sat back down and looked at my phone.

I had gotten 5 texts and 3 missed calls. none from Ashton.

all the texts were from Michael, but the missed calls were from Luke and calum.

-
the texts

Michael: devon, come back to the restaurant. we need to talk.
Michael: cmon devon please
Michael: I didn't mean to scare you off
Michael: im sorry, Devon.
Michael: devon, where are you? I'm driving around everywhere. just tell me where you are. I want you to be safe.
-
why couldn't ashton care about me as much as Michael does? he knows I love him. so why make me work?

I laid my head down in frustration and started dozing off.

when I woke up, I looked at the time on my phone and realized I had slept for almost an hour. whoops.

Michael hasn't texted me after his 5 earlier, but I felt like I needed to text him back. I was definitely not texting or calling Ashton. that jerk just wants me to come crawling back.

why do I even love him? let alone like the guy? i must be crazy.

I texted Michael:

Devon: sorry, michael. I just need to be alone right now. I'm safe. i promise. thank you for caring. I'll call you tomorrow:)

I wanted to end the night with Michael on a good note, so talking about him apparently loving me wouldn't be so awkward tomorrow. I hope.

I was staring at my text after sending it, when I heard a loud bang come from the aisle of books behind me.

I got up, put my phone in my bag, and walked to where I heard the noise.

there was an open book on the ground with a piece of paper sticking out of it.

I walked over and picked it up, took out the paper, and placed the book back on the shelf.

the book was "Great Expectations." i haven't read that in years.

I looked down at the paper and saw a neatly written note.

dear whoever found this,
I've been sitting in this library, needing to get away from a mess I was in, and decided to find a new friend. since you've picked out "Great Expectations," you're obviously intelligent. congrats. so, write me back. maybe we can be like pen pals. note pals.
to whoever this is,
your newly found note pal

I looked at the note for a second then decided what to do. I grabbed a pen and said aloud, "eh, I'll write back."

-
so I kinda like how I ended this one yay... I feel like the story line I have planned is really gunna work out yay team me