who am i to you?

4.1

TW: Homophobia. Bullying. Slurs. Violence

***

Santi never forgets. I've learned that now that I got to know him better.

From: Santi
Oy, we'll be having a soccer match against your school's team
Shi is our star player
Cheer for him

To: Santi
I told you, he's not my crush

From: Santi
Wala naman akong sinabi

I frowned at his response. I just know it. He's laughing at me.

He's been like this since that welcome party thing. I repeatedly told him I don't have a crush on Shi but he just wouldn't listen.

And he even brings up the times he caught me staring at Shi from the window of my room. He remembers it.

He. Remembers. It.

Then he reiterated how I always look at Shi. Then say how it's different from when I look at other people. To that, I contemplated and rethought my life choices. I should probably refrain from looking at some guy and giving away my sexuality.

And also, when I tell him I'm not gay, he'll just say I'm probably bi.

He's wrong though 'cause I know I'll never feel something on a girl like I feel something with a boy.

I argued about that and he said it doesn't actually matter.

"Sexuality is just a social construct. You can like whoever you want without labeling yourself as something," he said.

His high level of thinking and maturity got me. I shut up on that and didn't argue. Mainly because he has a point. But also, because I realized, I'm never gonna win an argument against him.

To: Santi
We're required to watch anyway
So its your school we're up against
Are you gonna play too?

I felt something beside my shoulder so I looked at it. It was Alhona peeking under my desk and looking at my phone that I held with my hands in between my legs under the desk to hide it. I quickly switched my phone off and hid it in my bag under the desk.

She grinned at me. "Who was that? Sino kausap mo?"

Her tone is so malicious I want to cover my ears. "My Mom."

"Does your Mom use emoji?"

"She very much does."

Her grin didn't disappear. "I'm happy for you," she said instead.