who am i to you?

18

I stared at the curly-headed cute kid standing beside Shi on a framed picture on the wall of their house. It's a picture that always catches my eyes whenever I look at it.

The picture is of the young Shi and Vy when they were kids. The smile Vy has on this picture is what makes me always stop and look at it. The innocent smile that is so genuine I feel nothing hiding behind it. The usual gleam a kid would have. It's like problems aren't something he knows.

I've never seen him smile like this in person since I met him. This genuine smile has never been pasted on his lips. Instead, it's always a hesitant smile, a weak smile, an amused smile. But mostly, if not all the time, it's a big smile, clearly hiding something.

He's right. I haven't known Vy for a long time. But I've been watching him for years. Dumating na sa point noon na mas gusto ko pang mag-practice kami kila Shi para lang makita ko siyang nakadungaw at pinapanood kaming maglakad papasok ng bahay nila Shi.

He's always been in his room, either hiding or looking like he doesn't care at all if he sees us. It amused me so gusto kong makita siya lagi. Based on what I see, he thinks hindi namin alam ang ginagawa niya. But I know. I've known all this time.

It wasn't love at first sight but I've always been curious as to why he watches us, especially Shi. My curiosity towards him led to me wanting to always see him. Eventually, I started noticing his looks, the way he does things, his whole being.

And once we started interacting rather than just watching each other, I couldn't stop myself from falling for the cute and innocent Vasily Jiang Vagankov.

Even the fact that I know he likes Shi didn't stop me from feeling that way. And it just led me to this, hurting myself.

"Ano sa tingin nyo ang nangyari kay Vasily?"

Napatingin ako kay Drix nang maupo ito sa tabi ko at ni Shi sa bleachers, hinahabol ang sariling hininga. Kagagaling lang niya sa field matapos ang drill na ginawa din namin kanina. Nagpahinga kaming tatlo habang pinapanood ang teammates naming nagpa-practice sa field.

"Ang laki n'ong pasa." Ngumiwi si Drix na parang nakikita pa rin niya ang pasa ni Vy sa pisngi. "Masakit kaya yun?"

"Ano sa tingin mo, Drix?" sarkastikong tanong ko. "Gusto mo bang suntukin kita para ma-try mo if masakit?"

He moved a bit away from me. "Ito naman. Curious lang naman ako."

"Obvious naman kasi."

"Ba't ba bad mood ka?"

Inis ko lang lalo siyang tinignan at hindi siya sinagot. Naiinis pa din ako sa sarili ko sa ginawa ko kahapon. And I don't have a face to show to Vy after that outburst yesterday. It was embarrassing.

I kinda started avoiding him. Mainly because I can't contain my anger towards myself. But also, I want him to see his faults. I want him to be the one to seek out to me and finally tell me what has been happening to him.