who am i to you?

19.1

"I really like you, Vy. And I'm really sorry."

I was dreaming again. A dream that will never come true.

When I was a kid, the times I fell sick weren't the most pleasant memory I had. I hate the pain in my head, the strain on my body, and the heaviness in every move I make. When I eat, everything turns to vomit. And since Dad died, even sleeping didn't become rest because of constant nightmares.

To try and make me feel better, Dad would play with me even though he has his own disease. I would be pampered like a baby born with a rare disease. There would be no time when Dad would leave me alone. He'd call Mom to stay with me when he can't. That's when he was alive.

When Dad died, it's only the hospital and Mom when I'm sick. Most of the time, she's not even there. So its either I stay home alone or have one of my cousins with me. Mom don't call my cousins all the time. Its 'cause my cousins tell my grandparents about it and it would make her look bad to them again so she refrains from calling them. And other times when she feels like it, Mom would call tita Naomi then Shi would be there. He was also always there before.

And now. There's Saint.

That was a good dream, a new type of hallucination my cold brought me. Saint telling me he likes me.

Yeah. What a nice dream.

My Mom hasn't been home since a week ago. She left while drunk, her only words is for me to be a good son. But yesterday, I had to have band practice which she hates. But she doesn't know so all I have to do is feel guilty.

What a good son.

She wasn't home so it was no surprise that it was one of my cousins who came to pick me up. But the surprise is, it was Violet, my busiest cousin and the cousin Mom hates the most, who showed up. Saoirse was with her and after waking me up from that short sleep in the school infirmary, they took me to the hospital.

"I'm guessing, your Mom is busy with work," said Violet as she paced around my hospital room, typing something in her phone.

I pretended to be too weak and sick to answer. She already knows the answer. She just wanted me to say it firsthand and hear it from me.

"Let Vasily rest, Violet," Saoirse told her. From where she's seated on a chair beside my bed, she looks at me, giving me an apologetic smile.

"I'm just asking him. And I'm not the one pushing him too much. It's his Mom." Violet stopped pacing. She sighed, standing right by the end of my bed. "I heard from your doctor that you were also here not too long ago with a fever and lots of bruises on your body."

I looked away from her intense eyes. I can't lie about that when she already asked my doctor. And even if I want to scold that doctor of mine, Violet is still a family so he can tell her what has been happening to me.