who am i to you?

13.1

I still remember vividly how Mom changed when my father died. Well, it's her husband she's been with since they were in college so it's hard to recover.

As a teen going through adolescence, I watched how she turned into an alcoholic who drinks any kind of liquor on any occasion she sees fit. Then, it became her casual drink even without a reason to drink.

But I never saw her drunk. I've seen her passed out but not awake and acting drunk. I've only heard from Amanda that she breaks down. I've never seen it personally but I saw the aftermath. Broken glasses, vases, frames, anything. It was a chaos that I never wish to see.

The first time Mom confronted me and showed me her drunk behavior was when she talked to me about that letter. And it didn't end well.

When Amanda's gone, I made my way upstairs. I peeked through Mom's room to check on her but I didn't see her on her bed. I opened the door wide to look for her and saw her coming out of her bathroom, wiping her face with a towel.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She looked at me, a bit startled by my presence. "You're finally home."

"Sorry, we just had band practice."

"Up until this late?"

"We have a competition coming up."

She looked at me but didn't say anything.

"You should go to sleep, Mom, if you're drunk."

I waited for her reply or her getting back to bed but she didn't. She instead opened her laptop so I just left after that.

I stayed in my room, practicing with my violin with Neko as my audience. They decided it would be nice to add more flavor to the boring usual band setup so they want me to learn the Silent Sanctuary songs they chose. I'm fine with it as long as it's for our win so I took my violin out that hasn't seen the light in years and practiced with it. It's been weeks so I got the feeling of playing with it back.

I was minding my business, headphones on and listening to the song while I played it on my own when I noticed Mom standing by the door of my room. She has a glass of what looks like liquor on her hand while watching me with a smile.

I took my headphones off. "What is it, Mom?"

It's been a while since I last saw her smile like this while looking at me in a manner that is not indifferent.

"What song is that?"

I shook my head. "You probably don't know even if I tell you."

I stood up, picking my laptop up from where it sits on the floor. For some reason, practicing while sitting on the floor feels the best.