who am i to you?

11.1

In less than two years, Mom will force me to focus on what really matters. And that is my being the heir of my Dad. I'll be getting education, training, and all that stuff that I have no interest in and just because I'm their only child, I'll have to do it.

I'm not interested in that but I was born to do that. And having no other thing I want to do, I'm glad I can be saved from the misery of a life without any meaning because of that.

And also, after these remaining months, I'll be away. No more distractions. Meaning, no more band, no more Shi, no more Drix, no more Saint. And, of course, no more being gay.

That's still a far off reality. I don't have to focus on it now.

Aside from my life having a meaning because of that purpose my father has left me, after these two years, I'll finally escape these feelings I know will only grow.

I kinda wanna make time pass faster but at the same time I don't want to.

I don't want to be like this anymore but at the same time I don't want to let these feelings fade.

For now.

Just for now.

"Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine... Kulang talaga"

"Sakto lang 'yan," I insisted on Sydney, our secretary and the one I assigned to write the name of our classmates on small post-in note papers. "I counted it."

"Eh tatlong beses ko na binibilang. It's still twenty-nine."

"Kumpleto 'yan. Lagay mo na dito." I showed him the small box I made from a bond paper.

She squinted her eyes at me. "Kumuha ka na ng isa, 'no?"

I didn't answer her and continued to fold the small papers into four. It's for our exchange gift for our Christmas party next week. I know we should focus more on the finals first before the party but who wants that?

"Kanino 'yung kinuha mo?" she started to tease me.

It's just us here in the room since everyone is busy putting away the mats we used for PE. So it should be safe. "Kumuha ka nalang din ng iyo," I told her instead of entertaining her question.

"Don't avoid the question." She grinned at me. "So, who is it?"

"You want Kyle, right? Here." I gave her the folded paper with Kyle's name.

She took the paper. "Is it your crush?"

I felt my cheeks heating up but I shook my head. "No, okay?"