who am i to you?

afterstory 1

"So, what course are you going to take?"

I looked over at Violet, munching on the bacon that Saoirse had made for us. "I don't know."

Violet's expression crumples. "You have to decide while schools are still accepting late enrollees."

I pursed my lips. My eyes trailed down to my plate. "Maybe business." I shrugged, looking up to her again. "Mom wants me to take—"

"Vasily," my cousin cut me off.

I blinked at the seriousness of her voice. "Yeah?"

Violet's expression was rid of any emotion. I gulped, feeling the breakfast I ate coming up my throat.

"Your Mom isn't here anymore. You can choose what you want to do with your life."

"Oh." I looked down on my plate again, watching as the grease trickled down the bacon and onto the white, fine china plates.

Turns out, the stinging pain of the emotions that pushed up my throat wasn't what hurt the most.

Mom isn't here anymore. She's been away for quite some time now. No, not 'some' time. She hasn't been home in months, or probably almost a year now. I don't count.

She's always been away since I was a kid. But this feels different. Because for once, I don't know when she'll be back anymore. Or if she wants to come back to me, to come back for me.

Everybody moved on. With Saint helping me, and those close to me helping me as well, I also tried to. One small step at a time.

But how much longer will I keep on settling for small steps? I'm afraid to leap. Because if I do it, maybe I'll slip. Maybe I'll fall.

I gave life another chance but what do I want to do with my life? I honestly don't know. Isn't living already enough?

I tried to find the answer. I tried to get the answer from my sleep, from my dreams, from when I'm at home not doing anything. But I got nothing.

I don't know. I still do not know.

"CAN I GET THE ICED AMERICANO TSAKA ISANG BLT SANDWICH?"

I blinked, my eyes registering the sight of a smiling customer standing in front of me. My eyes went down to the digital screen in front of me. I cleared my throat, getting myself back from my thoughts.

"Dine in po or take out?" I asked after I pressed the buttons to register her order.

"Take out po."

I recited her order again and when she confirmed, I gave her the receipt and told her to wait at the takeout counter. The next customer in line stepped up to the counter and I took his order. I repeated the questions and the process until everyone in line was gone and all of their orders were taken.