Adopted by Alex Gaskarth

cleaning out shit

after I decided I wanted to be adopted by Alex he dropped me off at my foster house and I went straight to packing .
My foster mom Stacy is a total bitch . I walked in the house and she was talking to her friend Gwen about how glad she was to get rid of me . so the sensible person I am I wrote her a nice letter and I quote
"Dear Stacy,
as much fun as I had living with your bitch ass self I can't wait to leave . you were rude and how did you expect me to respect you if you didn't respect me . you called me fat , you called me a freak , and you told me it was my fault I was raped . you are a total bitch and I hope you and your hair extensions
burn in hell .
love, hazel xoxo 💖"
I know I'm great . I pulled my few posters off the wall and put my few things into my tattered suitcase . I can't wait to leave this shithole . I went to sleep and slept dreamlessly . thank god .

I was awoken by the sound of the bitch pounding on my door saying that my social worker was here . I quickly got up and threw on black skinnies , a to write love on her arms tee , a purple & black flannel, and my black chucks . within ten minutes I was down stairs and I looked decent I suppose.

cara looked stunning as usual . her gorgeous hair put into a messy bun and a black dress that fit perfectly. her studded black pumps were to die for .

"darling grab your stuff we are off to meet Alex ." she smiled

"one second." I smiled and gave Stacy the biggest and most fake smile ever and handed her the damn letter .

then I skipped up to my room and walked down stairs again with my small suitcase and guitar case .

if you could have seen the look on Stacey's face . she was fumed and cars was trying not to laugh . I started to the door and went to blow Stacy a kiss but it turned into me flipping her off whoops .

I got into the car and cara absolutely lost it.

"God what a character you are today . okay so we are meeting with Alex so he can sign the final papers and I have to tell him about your meds."

"is he gonna think I'm crazy ?" I have whisper to myself

"darling you're far from crazy .just because you take some meds doesn't make you any less of a person." she cooed

"but do you have to tell him about h-hank " I stuttered

"darling I have to, it's my job ." she sighed

"but what if he thinks it's my fault ?" I gulped

"then I'll kick him where it hurts." she smirked .

we pulled up to her office and I'm forced to wait outside it and Alex smirks at my impatience.

"God I need a smoke . " I whisper to myself and get up .

nobody but cara and Stacy know about my drinking and smoking problem . and how I was sent to rehab 3 times . 2 for suicidal actions and once for drugs. I still smoke every once in a while but it's not nearly as bad .

I walk outside and around the building and pull out a cigarette . I take a long drag and let the smoke consume me . they say let what you love consume you, what if I would love to die . maybe I should .

I walk to the bridge across from the office area . this is where it first happened . I was standing and about to jump and this beautiful little boy and his mom walked past .
and the little boy said
"mommy don't let her fly away."
his mom was startled and pulled me down and let me sob into her shirt she called 911 and I was sent to rehab but that lovely woman adopted me afterwards. but in 2012, 2 years ago she passed away. she was a cancer survivor, breast cancer , but that ugly bitch cancer came back and took that wonderful woman away . Her name was Presley , after Elvis Presley . her husband and her were divorced so naturally he got Jacob her son and I got sent back to where I came from.

I stood on the bridge , I wasn't going to jump , I just wanted to feel something , anything . because I have become numb . I know what Kurt cobain meant when he said "I miss the comfort of being sad " because being sad for so long just left me empty, and feeling pain is better than nothing at all .

I sigh and put my cigarette out and go back up to the office where Alex is freaking out .

"did she leave because of me ? did I do something ? is she gonna be okay ?" he says frantically

cara tries to calm him down because I go for walks often

"hi Alex " I say

"holly shiz nipples you scared me so bad " he smiles

"I went for a walk . needed to clear my head." I smiled

"we'll all the paper work is complete and you may go ." Cara smiled

"oh and hazel , behavior " she looks at me knowingly .

"no promises ." I snort

"let's go go go " Alex sings

what have I gotten myself into .