I hate you!

Confused

Annika woke up to the alarm annoyed. She hated getting up early, but it was Daadis orders and she didn't want to hurt her in any way. Her eyes ran in to the engagement ring she was wearing as she removed it to get into the shower.  Memories of Shivaay's confusing behaviour yesterday irritated her more this morning. Neil was a sweet man, and maybe he would be the best partner for her to help her move on in life. After all Shivaay was already getting married to that Naagini, what he sees in her only god knows! She got out of the shower arguing with herself and wrapped  herself in a white towel. Her hair was still wet water dripping from edges. She had not decided what to wear yet for the Pooja on top of all of this. She hurried into the room to find something suitable. After all she was not going to let Shivaay or Naagini spoil the last couple of days she has with the only family she ever had, and she was going to make the most of it.

She suddenly felt his presence and found his piercing blue eyes staring at her by the door. He looked dashing in a white shirt, and a wine colour suite. This colour always made his beautiful blue eyes pop. His hair was neatly spiked up the way he likes, but she would like it to be a bit more messy from the front. She instantly had this urge to go and fix his hair. As if he understood her intentions he just walked in closer, and tilted his head towards her, like a cute little school boy. She was about to run her fingers through his hair when she realised, that they are engaged to different people. "Neil!" She blurted out, reminding herself of the existence of her fiancé, annoying the hell out of Shivaay.

"It's Shivaay....My name is Shivaay!" He made a statement while his eyes were shooting daggers at her. "Why did you stop, c'mon fix my hair, I know you want to!" He tilted his head to her again, holding her by the wrists. She loosened up her hand and kept two feet distance between the handsome man, and her towel clad self. Shivaay sighed "What now? you feel guilty? For fixing your ex husbands hair?" He taunted her. " Shouldn't you be feeling guilty? For walking into your ex wife's room without knocking when she's in a towel?" She regretted the moment she said it. His faced lit up with his Cheshire Cat grin. " Oh so you want the ex -husband to notice that you are in a towel?" He took one step closer to her and she stepped back. He kept walking towards her and her heart started to pound. He was checking her out with every step he took towards her. She kept walking backwards, and she suddenly tripped. Shivaay caught her by her waist and pulled her back up. He held her tighter when she tried to wiggle her way out. The moment she managed to she realised, she was leaving her towel behind.  She buried her face in her hands. Shivaay, simply walked towards her and wrapped the towel around her again "What will you do without me Pannika? You can't even keep your towel on without me!"... She had turned red and Shivaay continued to tease her "Why do you keep blushing every time I am close to you? Do you have a crush on your ex- husband?" "Go away Shivaay!" She pushed him with a smile on her face, he was being too cheeky she even found him a little cute. She sat on the bed, and he sat beside her and put his arm around her playfully. "So what do you say, lets elope?" He teased her. "Go away Shivaay!" And pushed him. " What? Technically I got engaged to you the other night right? So why are you marrying Neil? It should be me right?" He winked at her. "So are you asking me to marry you Mr. Shivaay Singh Oberoi?" Annika asked raising her eyebrow. "Huh you ? Pannika no way? Have you seen yourself in the mirror?" He laughed out loud.

Annika pushed him away, and aimed a pillow at his head. "Huh? You think you can beat me? Domestic violence early in the morning? Shouldn't you be respecting your husband?" He teased her again.
"Ex- husband!" She exclaimed throwing another pillow at him. Shivaay picked a pillow off the floor and aimed at Annika, it landed on her face. He started to laugh out loud. "
"You take this!" she threw another one at him, they ended up on the bed, having a pillow fight, and they fought until, the pillow ripped and the soft feathers inside floated around them. "Ha ha you look like a little chicken!" He pointed at her and started laughing. He couldn't stop laughing he was rolling on the bed guffawing. "You look like a rooster, look at your hair, like a birds nest! Come here!" She pulled him up from his collar. "Is this how you will go to work? Covered in feathers? Looking like an angry bird?" She started dusting off the feathers off of him. He just watched her, as she kept talking, pulling out feathers from his hair, and beard, her touch felt so comforting. She was close to him enough for him to smell her fresh shampooed hair. She smelled like roses today. There was tiny drops of water on her shoulders, that he wanted to drink off of her. Instead he just submitted, and let her fix his hair. "Okay done!" She exclaimed, and he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He held her wrist gesturing her to fix his hair a bit more and she said "It's done Shivaay, C'mon get up!". He pulled her on to him startling her, she was now almost straddling him. "Shivaay what are you doing?" She asked with her big eyes widened, but she didn't look like she was irritated so he decided to go with it. "Can we just be like this for a minute?" He had sadness in his blue eyes, and a hint of desperation that Annika couldn't say no to. He lied down on the bed, with her on top of her, and hugged her. He just wanted to smell her hair, feel the water dripping down on his shirt and feel her body pressed against his. Annika could here his heart beat. It was beating a little faster than usual, and she knew hers mimicked the same. His warm breath was ruffling her hair, and at times, she wondered," Is he forgetting to breathe? "She lied on his chest, feeling safe, and happy and content.

They lost track of time. They both had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Shivaay was now spooning her with one leg over hers. He opened his eyes slowly nuzzling her ears. He slowly tucked an unruly lock of hair behind her ear so he can see her face. She had smooth skin, long eye lashes and she had a mouth slightly open parting her plump lips. He couldn't help but lay a soft peck on her and rub the tip of her nose with his. He cuddled her a bit more tight not ready to let go yet. He felt Annika opening her eyes at this and he placed a forehead kiss on her gesturing she can sleep a bit more. But she woke up and asked sleepily " Shivaay, we'll miss the pooja and Daadi will fell bad! Why didn't you wake me up?" .

" Do you really want to get married to someone else?" He asked her for her dismay.

He was looking sad, upset, and his eyes were watery, she looked away hiding a tear developing in her eye. " Err didn't we just go over this Shivaay. I don't want to fight with you please? I only have a few days more!" He sushed her with his finger on her lips, and She couldn't understand how even the smallest touch of his could excite her. He started tracing her lips with his thumb asking her silently just not to say anything. " I can't let you go still!" He mumbled and cuddled her again, pressing her head on to his chest. She complied reciprocating the same. He played with her hair a bit and placed a kiss on her head.

" Annika, you don't know what I went through, the day you left! I...I almost died!" He said bringing back remorseful memories and tears to her eyes. She moved up, placed a kiss on his cheek and gave him a hug remembering how she almost lost him to that heart attack he had. He wanted to find peace and placed his head on her lap looking at her. " Did you know?" He was pulling her hair twirling it around his fingers. She nodded in a yes and a tear jumped out and landed on his cheek. " Why are you crying? You know I hate that!" He started to wipe her tears off from his soft finger tips. Annika started to break down, holding his face, looking at this man she loves lying on her lap. She almost lost him. A radiating pain was travelling up her chest. She remembered the night he was at the hospital, how she had to sneak in to see him, how she held is hand, and his fingers tightened around her when she was about to leave. " Shhhhhh....why are you crying? Stop it now! I am okay...I am okay I am here right here!"...He got up and cuddled her tight. He realised something " You were there...I felt it...I felt you that night...you were there weren't you? You brought me back!" He held her from her shoulders slightly shaking her. Annika was sobbing like a maniac not meeting eyes with him. " Why don't you tell me Annika? Why don't you tell me the truth? Why are you pushing me away? I know somewhere in there you still want to be with me, and not with someone else! Why would you come to see me when I was dying, if you didn't care about me? If you hate me! It doesn't make sense anymore!"

Annika pulled herself together...No he can't know. " Err I am okay Shivaay...I don't know maybe pre wedding jitters you know...after all it's not easy having you around or everyone I love here!"

"So you admit that you love me?"He asked her.

"Do you love me? " She asked him back .

" What a stupid question, after all we have went through, you want me to answer that?"

" Then why are you asking me? What we have between us what we feel for each other it's just ours, isn't that what you told before Shivaay? So can't we just leave it at that?Let bygones be bygones?"

" I can't Annika, not when you are not understanding..."

"Understand what Shivaay...what....? What do you want me to understand?

All he wanted to say or rather scream out loud  was :

" That I love you damn it! I love you so much it hurts! It hurts when you look at me, it hurts when I breathe, It hurts when I am around you and it hurts when am not..Annika I can't breathe without you.....and I hate it that you don't feel the same way because apparently you can go about living your life for a year....and now you can hold someone' else's hand and move on!"

But instead he said " If you are dumb enough not to understand maybe you should just go and get married to that Neil and just fuck off from my life!"

"That's exactly what I am going to do!" She huffed off.