Chapter 8

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The sun barely started to break through the city landscape as I sipped my first coffee of the day. I had a feeling it was not going to be my one and only because I shouldn't be awake right now. Coming home to my bed did not mean I was going to get the sleep I craved after all. I'd never really come out here before, it was normally too windy or too sunny, or something. How Cain didn't wake up as I opened the door was beyond me, the clunking grind of the rollers proof how often it was used and loud enough to wake the dead. I was enjoying the alone time.

"You're awake early." Portia mused, sitting beside me on the small outdoor sofa.

And now I'm not alone.

"You'd have to have gone to sleep first to be awake early. I'm still just going from yesterday."

I could feel her concern, and looking at her now, she only frowned. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I think I'm too tired to sleep. It's been a long twenty-four hours. Week. Year?" I sighed.

Portia closed her eyes, and I turned back to the golden light that peeked around the corner of the building opposite ours. The light on the road was patchy thanks to trees and balconies casting their shadows our way. What was odd was the way she gripped the armrest, and the way her face screwed up as if she was in pain. It was over before I could I asked her about it; I guess she didn't like what she saw.

" I just caught up." She whispered, the perkiness to her voice disappearing.

"Did I really pass the test?" It was something that had been on my mind since around two am.

"Test?"

"You were worried about me, about the path I'd go down when there was an eclipse, and I nearly lost my mind." I sipped my coffee and hugged the blanket tighter around my shoulders.

"I remember, but why ask me now?"

"I think I enjoy it too much. The killing, and fighting. Am I lying to myself, by thinking that all I want is some normality and peace? That we're going to do right by Blueberry because we're better than the monsters we've defeated?" I stared at my coffee, expecting the answer to appear there. "Did I choose the wrong path that night or was it already too late? Nieve, well all of you seem quick to point fingers at Cain. That he is corrupting us all, but I think I already was."

"It's war, Elise. It's survival, and it's all you've ever known since the second they could put a gun in your hand and tell you where to shoot. You don't enjoy it and it's why you fight so hard against what is expected of you." Portia said so sincerely I wanted to believe her.

"I didn't fight against any of it last night. I wanted it. I enjoyed seeing them die."

"We all enjoy the victory. It's the regret of what it took to claim it that keeps us awake at night."

Maybe she had a point. "Do you stay awake at night too?"

"More than I'd ever admit." She whispered.

I lifted my arm, extending the blanket to her and she inched closer on the cushion beside me with a tired sigh.

"Adala is losing her control over Nieve. We all seem to be playing a different game and no one is sharing the rules. I don't know how to fix this or how to help them. If something doesn't happen soon, I can feel the uncertainty of the future. My visions are distorted like I'm on the wrong channel and my eyes burn with each one I have. I even considered ripping them out it got that bad earlier tonight."

I rested my head on her shoulder as her arm went around mine.

"We need to find the fourth. She controlled the three once before, and she will have to do it again."

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