MY HEAVY HEART! 💔

PART 13- Pretending to be fine eve if it's not.

Feb/27/22-Sunday

PART 13- PRETENDING TO BE FINE EVEN IF IT'S NOT.

We had a 'quicky' activity kanina sa kusina that lead to get showered together. It's very refreshing and enjoyable. I can't control my emotions and my feelings and i felt that I am in cloud 9.

Feeling ko tuloy, we're newly married couple and we're on state of honeymoon. Honeymoon baby pa nga sana but it just a dream.

Reality slapped me by the fact that we're only enjoying each others company. Well, a fcking buddies. A Friends with benefits. Literally.

Now that I am staring at him waiting for what he is going to say, hindi ko alam but nilalamig ang kamay ko, parang nagkakaroon ng bikig ang lalamunan ko at parang biglang may takot na nararamdaman ang puso ko. Feeling ko, hindi ko magugustuhan ang sasabihin nya by the expression of his face, the happiness that i can see through his eyes. Mukhang hindi ko gusto.

Hinigop ko ang sabaw ng paksiw na maasim  na subrang anghang pa na niluto ko. Bakit subrang asim nito? Mapait na ata eh! Ganito rin siguro kapait ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

He just enjoying his food. Mukhang hindi pa nya sasabihin sa akin pero kating kati na akong malaman.

"Hmm..masarap huh?"sabi nya sabay subo at ngiti sa akin. Mahilig sa maasim at manghang kasi.

I swallowed and breath saka tumingin sa kanya ng masinsinan."Chris, Ano nga iyong sasabihin mo sa akin?" Napatingin sya sa akin na Parang nilalamig ako. Ang anghang ng niluto ko. Grabe!

"Ahhh, Yun ba? Hahaha!" Tumawa sya at pinunasan ang bibig gamit ng tissue."gusto mo na bang malaman?"

"O-Ok lang."

Subra subrang lapad ng ngiti nya sa akin na halos masilaw na ako sa buong ngipin nya na nakikita ko. Para syang nanalo talaga sa lotto. Ngiting wagi.

"Alright sasabihin ko na sayo.."bumuntong hininga sya at tumitig sa akin.

*dug!dug!dug!*

"SHE LOVES ME!" I suddenly froze. Parang bombang sumabog sa tenga ko ang sinabi nya. Anu daw? Nabingi ata ako? Anung sinasabi nya.? Did i heard it right?

"Huh?"

"LANA LOVES ME.." It's like a slow motion while he was saying that.

"A-ANO!!?" Pinaprocess pa ng utak ko ang sinabi nya. Di magsink in.

"Last night, she admitted she has feelings for me, Shanns., she has a feeling for me too Shanns.." hindi maipinta ang saya sa mukha nya ngayon na dumudurog unti unti sa puso ko.

"A-Ahh..G-Good." Ngumiti ako ng pilit. the pain started to fill inside my heart. This was the meaning of his behavior since he came. I wasn't ready for this. It looks like he cut my heart into pieces why he was. Napainom ako bigla ng tubig to calm myself because deep inside of me, I wanted to shout and cry. For god sake wag mo na ngayon!

gusto ko man syang sigawan pero I can't. Wala akong karapatan because in the first place hindi nya ako girlfriend.

"It came as a surprise to me that she would say she loves me. That, we both have mutual feelings.. " Tumingin ako sa mukha nya at nakita ko na mukhang hindi naman nya ito niloloko besides, His actions this way could describe how happy he is. Well, he isn't cheating, basically..

"M-Mukhang Masaya ka.."

"YES SUBRA!" Yung mga ngiti nya. "Definitely a Cloud 9" ouch!

Ayoko sanang itanong pero gusto ko malaman. Kailangan kung malaman kahit masakit. I bit my lower lip. "So, k-kayo na ba? S-Sinagot ka na ba nya?" Pinapatay ko sarili ko.